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Archive for 'Christopher Bird'

1 Comment

Televisualist: Upstairs in the House

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.

By Christopher Bird

But dance for Nigel Lythgoe only one day per week, now.
3 Comments

OIPRD’s Assessment of the G20: A Good but Marred Effort

Two years later, we finally have OIPRD's comprehensive assessment of police action during the G20. It's a report that tries to be fair to all sides, but ends up being too generous to police on some key points.

By Christopher Bird

Toronto Police Chief Bill Blair after today's police board meeting.
4 Comments

Televisualist: Aiken To Be an Apprentice

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.

By Christopher Bird • Illustration by Brett Lamb

Actually, if Stern did this on "America's Got Talent" we'd appreciate him more.
1 Comment

Televisualist: Week of Things Ending

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.

By Christopher Bird

Brett had... issues... with this season of "Fringe."
5 Comments

Televisualist: A High-Functioning Sociopath

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.

By Christopher Bird • Illustration by Brett Lamb

This week, Brett answers the eternal question: what if Sherlock Holmes teamed up with Jeff from previous Stephen Moffat show "Coupling"? And now, we know.

Televisualist: [Insert Nationality Here] Gypsy Wedding

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.

By Christopher Bird • Illustration by Brett Lamb

Brett says that "this is what all people secretly want to see" when they watch dance shows. In other news: Brett is a horrible sadist and we will check his refrigerator to see if there are any human heads in there.
2 Comments

Televisualist: Twenty-Five Years of Fart Jokes

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.

By Christopher Bird • Illustration by Brett Lamb

Michael Richards flunked.

Televisualist: Say Yes to the Dress, Last Chance Mama’s Boys

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.

By Christopher Bird • Illustration by Brett Lamb

This is just another excuse for us to say "Van Der Beek" as many times as possible.
1 Comment

Televisualist: YEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.

By Christopher Bird • Illustration by Brett Lamb

We originally considered The Sikhs Of St. John, but then decided on this, mostly because atheists are, let us face it, much dorkier.

Televisualist: Throne Soup

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.

By Christopher Bird • Illustration by Brett Lamb

"Roughly, Tyrion yanked away the trousers, and understood at last why Petyr was called Littlefinger."
6 Comments

Televisualist: Cruel To Be Kind

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.

By Christopher Bird • Illustration by Brett Lamb

Josh from "Less Than Kind" stares at the promos for "Mad Men" and dreams of greater things. Like maybe not wearing underpants in public.
2 Comments

Televisualist: Human Garbage

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.

By Christopher Bird • Illustration by Brett Lamb

Brett really wanted to make a joke about neutrinos, so we officially present an extremely laboured tie-in to Ashley Judd's new television series., mostly because "Fringe" is a rerun this week.
2 Comments

Televisualist: I Can See Russia From My House

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those.

By Christopher Bird

Julianne Moore as Sarah Palin as Scatman Crothers.

Televisualist: Short on Talent

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.

By Christopher Bird • Illustration by Brett Lamb

Jackie Rogers Jr. wants you to know he's got talent. (If you don't get the reference, you are probably young and therefore worthy of scorn.)
24 Comments

Liveblog: Rob and Doug on the Radio

The mayor and his brother are taking to the airwaves, to speak directly to the people of Toronto. Follow along with us as we listen to their first foray into radio hosting.

By Christopher Bird

Rob and Doug Ford in the studio; photo courtesy of Newstalk 1010
1 Comment

Televisualist: Begone, James Franco, Begone

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.

By Christopher Bird • Illustration by Brett Lamb

"It's an honor just to be nominated," say people who will disappear into the vast swath of history, unmourned and unloved.
3 Comments

Televisualist: Unemployed In Trumpland

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.

By Christopher Bird • Illustration by Brett Lamb

Luckily, George Takei is trained to deal with human wind tunnels after a career spent in the presence of William Shatner.

Televisualist: Like Glee, but for Adults

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.

By Christopher Bird

Oh, rockin' fish, you have ruined "The River" for everybody now!
2 Comments

Televisualist: Know It All About Football

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.

By Christopher Bird • Illustration by Brett Lamb

In contrast, we here at Televisualist proudly proclaim that we know absolutely nothing.

Televisualist: Dustin Hoffman Is Really Short, You Know

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.

By Christopher Bird

We still think he's funnier when he's wearing a dress.
1 Comment

Televisualist: Hurley’s a Scientist!

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.

By Christopher Bird • Illustration by Brett Lamb

Alcatrax: where anybody can be a scientist! (Not pictured: the foot of a giant statue with only four toes.)
5 Comments

Televisualist: Funnier and More Handsome Than Rob Schneider

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.

By Christopher Bird

Alec Baldwin and Tina Fey as Jack Donaghy and Liz Lemon in 30 Rock. Illustration by Brett Lamb/Torontoist.

Televisualist: Cross-dressing Equals Laffs!

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.

By Christopher Bird • Illustration by Brett Lamb

Poor, optimistic Ted Haggard.
2 Comments

Televisualist: Buy One Slow Week, Get Two Free

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.

By Christopher Bird • Illustration by Brett Lamb

Ah, technology.

2011 Hero: Jack Layton

Nominated for: giving us such great reasons to miss him.

By Christopher Bird • Illustration by Chloe Cushman

20111222heroJackLayton
1 Comment

Televisualist: Chestnuts

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.

By Christopher Bird • Illustration by Brett Lamb

One of the many, many statements Simon Cowell could make in this situation that would be wrong. See also: "pitchy," "cabaret," and "Broadway."
11 Comments

2011 Villain: Rob Ford

Nominated for: cowardice.

By Christopher Bird • Illustration by Chloe Cushman

ccvillainford
5 Comments

Televisualist: Being Over

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.

By Christopher Bird • Illustration by Brett Lamb

In all honesty, we would definitely watch a Being Erica/Doctor Who crossover. Because that would be fantastic.
4 Comments

Televisualist: One Santa Clause Away From Tim Allen Holiday Overload

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.

By Christopher Bird • Illustration by Brett Lamb

Brett's cynicism is unwarranted. Mostly.
2 Comments

Televisualist: Soon Admitting the Existence of Christmas

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.

By Christopher Bird • Illustration by Brett Lamb

MADD wants us to mention that drunk driving is wrong. Which is good of them. Otherwise we might have endorsed it, and then wouldn't we look silly?

Televisualist: Also Known As “The Inferior Thanksgiving”

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.

By Christopher Bird • Illustration by Brett Lamb

We're pretty sure that a Lady Gaga Thanksgiving will involve some sort of spurts of something. We're going with blood, because it is family-friendly.
1 Comment

Televisualist: Desperate To Avoid Housewives

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.

By Christopher Bird • Illustration by Brett Lamb

Brett informs us that this is a Real Housewife of Beverly Hills being Real, which is to say drinking the blood of children in order to devour their souls. We have never been to Beverly Hills, so we're taking his word for it that this happens. It's probably a Kardashian thing.
25 Comments

Anonymous Threatens Online Attack if Rob Ford Evicts Occupy Toronto

Amorphous hacktivist network says Toronto Occupiers are exercising their right to speech and should be left alone.

By Christopher Bird and Hamutal Dotan

2011113anon
2 Comments

Televisualist: American TV Executives Ruin Everything

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.

By Christopher Bird • Illustration by Brett Lamb

You're right, TSN, nothing screams athleticism like a bunch of dudes sitting around a table, smoking, and eating pretzels.
17 Comments

Public Works Committee to Cyclists: Let Them Eat Posts

Committee votes to prohibit locking bikes to anything but official bike posts...of which there are far too few.

By Christopher Bird

Photo by {a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/gavatron/1336656219/"}Gavatron{/a} from the {a href="http://www.flickr.com/groups/torontoist"}Torontoist Flickr Pool{/a}.
1 Comment

Televisualist: Worth An Entire Truckload of Orphans

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.

By Christopher Bird • Illustration by Brett Lamb

We could not pass up an opportunity to make fun of the Black Eyed Peas, no matter how obvious an opening it might have been.
1 Comment

Televisualist: Dylan McDermott! AHHHHHHHHHH!

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.

By Christopher Bird • Illustration by Brett Lamb

Yep. Them’s zombies. It's the season for 'em.
4 Comments

Televisualist: If You Wait Long Enough, Something Good Happens

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.

By Christopher Bird • Illustration by Brett Lamb

We know that Louis CK chicken wing references are a bit dated, but we're using CityTV's excuse and claiming it is new to Canadians. So there.
2 Comments

Televisualist: So Unclassy We Think Tuxedos Are a Type of Fruit

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.

By Christopher Bird • Illustration by Brett Lamb

Jerry Springer does a post-doc course.
14 Comments

The Day—yawn—After

What do these results mean? And how much do we care?

By Christopher Bird • Photos by Christopher Drost

20111007elxnpostmortem