Doug Ford talks for almost the entire show, and shares thoughts on the recent Ford trip to Los Angeles.
It’s been more than two weeks since our last YouTube installment, and a lot has happened since then. The Fords went to the Oscars, and called Bill Blair more names, and Olivia Chow has officially entered the mayoral race—so there were lots of sensational items to choose from in addition to the usual suspects. Let’s find out what blustery adventure our intrepid political leaders choose for us.
0:06: Doug Ford kicks off the show by talking about Toronto’s important issues, like Rob going to the Oscars. He says that his younger brother looked great in a tuxedo, and should wear it to council. Incidentally, Rob appears to be wearing his new suit—the one Jimmy Kimmel referred to as a magician’s outfit—which he has worn a lot since returning from Los Angeles.
0:35: Rob describes the Oscar party he went to at the W hotel, and complains about what he claims are incorrect allegations from TMZ that he rented a $2,500 cabana for the night. There was a time when Rob Ford would be the man making all sorts of spurious allegations, but now he’s playing defence.
1:25: Doug brags about how there were 1,000 people at this Oscar party, and Rob was a rock star at it. Feel free to count how many seconds it will take before Doug says Rob is just an average guy.
3:00 Rob and Doug repeat their billion-dollar lie that they have somehow saved that much money for the City in their tenure. In case you’re counting, operating costs for the City went up by $400 million over that time span, and in a technical briefing, the city manager told reporters that a more traditional definition of the word “savings” would put the amount at $350 million on a $9.5 billion budget, not $1 billion.
4:46: Doug gives Rob the credit for getting Cisco to invest $100 million in Toronto, because he’s made sure the city has low taxes and is clean. Of course, the declining ratio of commercial to residential property taxes was a council policy implemented in the Miller administration while David Soknacki was Budget Chief, and Rob Ford didn’t show up for the vote. And Cisco didn’t even want Ford at its announcement; Deputy Mayor Norm Kelly represented the City at the event.
6:10: Rob Ford, who is known to police, sings the theme song from COPS as Doug excoriates “phony politicians.” He does not sing with the same enthusiasm as he did when he and Doug belted out “Who Let the Dogs Out,” which makes me a sad puppy.
Hunt or be Hunted
0:06: Doug says Jimmy Kimmel is a down-to-earth guy, because he was happy to take pictures with whoever asked. Okay?
0:24: Doug Ford gets into method acting: “I want to start off by saying Kevin Spacey is an incredible actor. He is—he really is.” Rob says he doesn’t watch movies, and “he wouldn’t know him if he ran him over,” which Rob really shouldn’t joke about. But Doug continues: “In my opinion, [Kevin Spacey] is an arrogant SOB. And I’ll tell you the reason why.” Oh, do go on: “Any actor that makes his living off the people who watch his shows, you can’t take a picture with him? We were told you can’t take a picture, and you can’t speak to him. Who does this character think he is!” Rob says he doesn’t even know who Spacey is, and seems lost in Doug’s outrage. “Does he think he’s God, that no common folk can take a picture? And you know what’s amazing, he goes on the show, and he changes on a dime.”
There are a few things to unpack here. Doug Ford apparently feels entitled to photos with celebrities, because their work is seen by the public—even as he complains about the right to privacy of both himself and his brother, whose work is paid for directly by the public. Also, it seems odd to pick a fight with Frank Underwood and Keyser Söze, because there’s no way you win this. Really, Kevin Spacey comes off pretty well in this for not wanting his picture taken with the novelty mayor of Toronto. We can now forgive him for K-Pax.
Best YouTube Video Ever
1:27: After bragging about the huge ratings Rob created for Kimmel, Doug excitedly says that the late-night host will join the brothers on their YouTube show in the future. Doug seems much happier about this development than Rob.
3:50: Doug promises that the YouTube show with Kimmel will be the best YouTube show you’ve seen in your entire life. Which seems unlikely, because I have seen some really amazing cat videos.
This instalment of the Rob and Doug Ford YouTube show was basically the Doug Ford YouTube show, with Rob as mayoral scenery. It was essentially a guy telling you about his latest vacation, which also involved Jimmy Kimmel making fun of his brother and coming away from the trip with really strong feelings about Kevin Spacey.
Two out of five Oscars.
As always, God bless you for reading, Raccoon Nation. Failing that, may Kevin Spacey bless you.