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politics

The Rob and Doug Ford Web Recap: Declaring War on Frank Underwood

Doug Ford talks for almost the entire show, and shares thoughts on the recent Ford trip to Los Angeles.

rob doug ford youtube web show

It’s been more than two weeks since our last YouTube installment, and a lot has happened since then. The Fords went to the Oscars, and called Bill Blair more names, and Olivia Chow has officially entered the mayoral race—so there were lots of sensational items to choose from in addition to the usual suspects. Let’s find out what blustery adventure our intrepid political leaders choose for us.


Champagne Populists


0:06: Doug Ford kicks off the show by talking about Toronto’s important issues, like Rob going to the Oscars. He says that his younger brother looked great in a tuxedo, and should wear it to council. Incidentally, Rob appears to be wearing his new suit—the one Jimmy Kimmel referred to as a magician’s outfit—which he has worn a lot since returning from Los Angeles.

0:35: Rob describes the Oscar party he went to at the W hotel, and complains about what he claims are incorrect allegations from TMZ that he rented a $2,500 cabana for the night. There was a time when Rob Ford would be the man making all sorts of spurious allegations, but now he’s playing defence.

1:25: Doug brags about how there were 1,000 people at this Oscar party, and Rob was a rock star at it. Feel free to count how many seconds it will take before Doug says Rob is just an average guy.

3:00 Rob and Doug repeat their billion-dollar lie that they have somehow saved that much money for the City in their tenure. In case you’re counting, operating costs for the City went up by $400 million over that time span, and in a technical briefing, the city manager told reporters that a more traditional definition of the word “savings” would put the amount at $350 million on a $9.5 billion budget, not $1 billion.

4:46: Doug gives Rob the credit for getting Cisco to invest $100 million in Toronto, because he’s made sure the city has low taxes and is clean. Of course, the declining ratio of commercial to residential property taxes was a council policy implemented in the Miller administration while David Soknacki was Budget Chief, and Rob Ford didn’t show up for the vote. And Cisco didn’t even want Ford at its announcement; Deputy Mayor Norm Kelly represented the City at the event.

6:10: Rob Ford, who is known to police, sings the theme song from COPS as Doug excoriates “phony politicians.” He does not sing with the same enthusiasm as he did when he and Doug belted out “Who Let the Dogs Out,” which makes me a sad puppy.


Hunt or be Hunted


0:06: Doug says Jimmy Kimmel is a down-to-earth guy, because he was happy to take pictures with whoever asked. Okay?

0:24: Doug Ford gets into method acting: “I want to start off by saying Kevin Spacey is an incredible actor. He is—he really is.” Rob says he doesn’t watch movies, and “he wouldn’t know him if he ran him over,” which Rob really shouldn’t joke about. But Doug continues: “In my opinion, [Kevin Spacey] is an arrogant SOB. And I’ll tell you the reason why.” Oh, do go on: “Any actor that makes his living off the people who watch his shows, you can’t take a picture with him? We were told you can’t take a picture, and you can’t speak to him. Who does this character think he is!” Rob says he doesn’t even know who Spacey is, and seems lost in Doug’s outrage. “Does he think he’s God, that no common folk can take a picture? And you know what’s amazing, he goes on the show, and he changes on a dime.”

There are a few things to unpack here. Doug Ford apparently feels entitled to photos with celebrities, because their work is seen by the public—even as he complains about the right to privacy of both himself and his brother, whose work is paid for directly by the public. Also, it seems odd to pick a fight with Frank Underwood and Keyser Söze, because there’s no way you win this. Really, Kevin Spacey comes off pretty well in this for not wanting his picture taken with the novelty mayor of Toronto. We can now forgive him for K-Pax.


Best YouTube Video Ever


1:27: After bragging about the huge ratings Rob created for Kimmel, Doug excitedly says that the late-night host will join the brothers on their YouTube show in the future. Doug seems much happier about this development than Rob.

3:50: Doug promises that the YouTube show with Kimmel will be the best YouTube show you’ve seen in your entire life. Which seems unlikely, because I have seen some really amazing cat videos.

This instalment of the Rob and Doug Ford YouTube show was basically the Doug Ford YouTube show, with Rob as mayoral scenery. It was essentially a guy telling you about his latest vacation, which also involved Jimmy Kimmel making fun of his brother and coming away from the trip with really strong feelings about Kevin Spacey.

Two out of five Oscars.

As always, God bless you for reading, Raccoon Nation. Failing that, may Kevin Spacey bless you.

Comments

  • vampchick21

    Are they even actually campaigning anymore?

    • Jacob

      Yes they are. Unfortunately, or fortunately, they don’t know how a campaign is actually run.

      • vampchick21

        So trashing Kevin Spacey and threatening to sue the biggest gossip site on the web is….campaigning. good to know.

        • tyrannosaurus_rek

          The longer they’re distracted the better for everyone.

          • vampchick21

            This is true. :)

  • wklis

    Complains about paparazzi going around their (Ford’s family) homes, but says paparazzi around actors like Kevin Spacey are acceptable.

    • Jillian

      The hypocrisy is overwhelming with these Frod brothers

  • Astin44

    Maybe Spacey is an arrogant SOB. Also possible he has some level of class and didn’t want a photo of him being chummy with such a disgrace of a public figure.

    That said, we know Rob will take a picture with ANYBODY.

  • xinit

    Will THIS be the video that breaks the 10000 views? Is it because his biggest fans don’t know what computers are?

  • OgtheDim

    No mention of Chow? Must have been taped a week ago.

  • torontothegreat

    Well done as usual, Mr. Hains

  • Some times I just thinks

    I really understand now why Don Cherry was chosen for Rob’s initiation. He could be Doug’s real dad!

    • ArnieGeddon

      I would bet even Cherry has the brains to run away from these two as quickly and as far as he can …

  • bobloblawbloblawblah

    ” Rob says he doesn’t even know who Spacey is, and seems lost in Doug’s outrage.”

    So let me get this straight: these two were supposedly promoting Toronto and Toronto’s film business while going to parties in LA. Yet Ford doesn’t know who one of the leading actors in Hollywood is? You’d think these bumpkins would at least try and not show their ignorance.

    • wklis

      Rob thinks he’s the “best boy” to promote movies in Toronto. Bet he doesn’t know what “best boy” does in the movies.

    • ArnieGeddon

      They were looking for Borat ….

      • bobloblawbloblawblah

        Cultural Learnings Of America for Make Benefit Glorious Ford Nation.

  • Frostmoth

    More serial idiocy emanating from the mouths of the two biggest buffoons ever seen of in this country, ever. Cannot. Wait. Until they get summarily turfed from public life, Couldn’t happen fast enough.

    • poniesinjudah

      But then what will they do? Rob will rent himself out to open gas stations. THEN he’ll get to use the novelty scissors!

    • Jillian

      Agreed, after the election, I don’t ever want to hear another word from these idiots again!

  • SonuvaScrimbro

    So… how much longer can we expect them to play the victim? “Wah wah wah, the big actor wouldn’t let us get a picture with him.”

    I’m almost tempted to believe this is part of some massive plan of theirs to blame all their woes on the liberal Hollywood elitists who are obviously backing Chow and hate the Joe Lunchpails of the world for not loving their movies enough… but I can’t imagine those two capable of strategizing anything more complicated than lunch.

    And can we PLEASE find a backdrop that doesn’t look like Ford put it up during his latest drunken stupor?

  • Christian Fletcher

    Did it ever occur to either of those two buffoons that maybe Kevin Spacey just didn’t want to have his picture taken with THEM??? Can’t say I blame him, either!!!

  • adamd1

    I’ll just leave this here… http://bit.ly/1lDRgJk

    • WEW

      haha awesome!

    • SonuvaScrimbro

      True story: I was in Halifax when Spacey was filming The Shipping News (the local newspaper and some industrial buildings stood in for the American locations in the story). The “arrogant” actor couldn’t have been more down-to-earth, answering all kinds of questions from people and even (gasp!) getting pictures with some of the locals. So yeah, it’s a real head-scratcher why he suddenly decided not to pose with Ford.

    • wannabeayank

      wonderful

  • Notcleverguy

    It makes sense as far as political strategy goes, Kevin Spacey has been against the Scarborough subway from the very start.

    • Angie Mac

      I heard Spacey had something to do with the gas plants.

      • bobloblawbloblawblah

        Nonsense. Spacey has saved this city billions of dollars! That’s a fact!

    • dsmithhfx

      His brother has a streetcar dealership…

  • soimelk

    The best campaign manager around has made holding American celebrities accountable for not wanting to be used for Ford photo-ops one of Rob’s top priorities if reelected in 2014.

  • selonmoi

    Yup, Douggie, Jimmy Kimmel’s high ratings, without doubt, represent a major achievement by you and your brother. You can obviously measure Rob’s awesomeness as mayor by Kimmel’s ratings. You should be so proud!

    On that note: Did you consider what the ratings would have been like if Rob had actually smoked crack on the show? Missed opportunity! Maybe next time!

    • dsmithhfx

      You missed that part.

  • Alex2

    Doug is clearly grasping at straws. Rob has been such a disappointment to him. Poor Rob who claims he just wants to help the little guy, and who loved the prestige of being a councillor and helping constiuents fix their potholes. But Doug had bigger plans for the family. Rob blew it under pressure. Rob now spends his time visiting TCHC promising to cut through the red tapes to get bed bugs cleared etc. etc. I have an idea that might appeal to Rob’s sense of giving back and pleasing his late father whom he adored. Why doesn’t he buy up the condos on Dixon Road that have dropped dramatically in value due to gangs etc. and become a great landlord. He can attend to tenants problems and keep them free from the guns and drug culture.

  • christinaarcher

    What plans have they made? What savings? Toronto under RobandDoug is like the Leafs when Harold Ballard was the majority owner. Help!

  • VictorianShuter

    Doug: “…most exciting Youtube you’ve ever seen in your lives!”
    So can I expect to see Jimmy Kimmel come to the rescue after Rob sets himself on fire from a twerking mishap?

  • VictorianShuter

    Too bad nobody in Hollywood told them about the wonders of the green screen technique.

  • Steve Fleck

    “And you know what’s amazing, he goes on the show, and he changes on a dime.”

    Doug . . it’s called ACTING. He’s one of the best at it!

    I’m confused. Who’s running for Mayor? Rob or Doug? If Rob’s running for Mayor why does Doug talk for almost the entire show while Rob is mute . . or is that part of the “strategy”! :)

    Yes, that’s right . . it was a trip to promote Toronto’s movie business, by two guys who, don’t know a thing about the movies (like absolutely nothing!) and are trashing publicly a very popular Hollywood A-Lister. Brilliant.

    Finally, how does, “Rob the average-guy”, afford a last minute trip for 5+ to LA for the weekend? Who cares about the $2500 Cabana!

    As usual total incoherence and incompetence.

    Can’t wait for the “Best-ever YouTube video in my entire life”. Really?

  • Spek

    While I doubt that Kevin Spacey cares about Doug’s ridiculous rants, I do wonder if Jimmy Kimmel might not take too kindly to being told he is an underdog who needed Ford to save him from Fallon’s ratings. Remember, Kimmel has already publicly refuted Doug’s claim that he apologized to the Fords. There is no way Kimmel is participating in Ford Nation without strip mining them bare for comedy gold at their expense.

    • Punned_It

      That I would watch!

    • poniesinjudah

      All true. Plus Jimmy Kimmel is NOT going to appear on YouTube! On a YouTube only “show”. What next Rob as head of the NYC stock exchange? The wrinkly backdrop alone! I’ll almost dropping my tablet computer I’m laughing so hard. Ooooh, the wrinkly backdrop. They still haven’t fixed it. Oh god, they are so weird. Going snaky on a movie star cuz he won’t take a pic with you is sad and nutty enough. But broadcasting it to the general public, not kvetching on a friends only Facebook Page, but thinking strangers will take your side is truly phenomenal. Sometimes it’s the non political stuff they do that makes you realize how bizarre they are. In 10 years looking back we will not believe how bad it was. We’re innured to it from being inside of the weirdness. Rob singing the COPS song? Maybe they are both just stoned out of their minds on valium literally all the time. Maybe that’s where their surreal grammar comes from.

  • Fred

    Such total losers.

  • Christian Fletcher

    How many times does Rob or Doug say “We had alot of fun” in these videos? Take one drink everytime they do

    • Punned_It

      Only Rob could keep up to that standard!!

  • dsmithhfx

    ..

  • wannabeayank

    Now doogie is the bad cop, and bozo the other.
    Such arrogance to think people are that naïve.
    I am 100% certain that Spacey will not bother to reply.
    Have the bloated duo ever seen Spacey in the movie seven?
    If anyone has they know what I mean,
    Hey tubby boys, enjoy the run, It’s gonna end soon.

    • poniesinjudah

      Spacey did reply, on twitter and was way funnier than them! Oh wait, Rob and Doug aren’t a shitty comedy act. I forgot.

  • Angie Mac

    Doug, Doug, Doug… Every time you speak, I’m astonished.

    That’s not a compliment.

  • Mack Attack

    I still think that Darwin the Ikea monkey is producing their show judging from the production values.

  • dsmithhfx

    ..

    • VictorianShuter

      So either Spacey wasn’t aware of the situation and is being classy, or he was totally aware and is now trolling them. I approve either way.

  • stoobiedood

    RoFoDoFo went to L.A. to promote Toronto as a location to shoot movies.

    How well did RoFo prepare for this important mission? RoFo says he doesn’t watch movies and “he wouldn’t know [Kevin Spacey] if he ran him over.”

    Thanks, Rob. Great job well done. You sure know how to “promote.”

    • dsmithhfx

      “Please come to Toronto and… um… please… [sotto voce] can you hook me up with some crack?”

  • KeithB

    What a pair of asshats!
    Can’t wait for election day.

  • Talbot

    Whenever a non-celebrity is on set or backstage at a TV show/talk show/movie they are given a speech by the handlers about how they are not supposed to bother the big celebrities .. don’t stare at them and don’t ask for pictures.This is not a direct request by the celebrity, this is a common practice by the people running the show in order to keep things running smoothly – they just don’t want some uber-fan going nutbars and screwing up their show or pissing off the celebrity.

    So these nincompoops took this at face value and went to the internet crying that they were snubbed, instead of just going up to Spacey and talking with him like adults. It is so incredibly embarrassing. Cringe worthy.

    • dsmithhfx

      “talking with him like adults”

      No can do.