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Your Toronto 2014 Issue Navigator

How the candidates compare on some of the city's biggest issues.

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culture

Televisualist: Miss Andromeda Galaxy Boycotts the Ceremony

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.

She really excelled in her "make music by rubbing wine glass rims" routine during the talent portion of the show.

Monday

The Voice comes to its end this week. The one indisputably good thing about The Voice is that its contestants are generally so strong that when you get down to the finalists, they all really deserve to be there. And that’s why The Voice is so much better than American Idol at this point, let alone The X Factor. This year, the contenders are Cassadee Pope (arguably the best token country singer Blake has ever coached), Nicholas David (a scraggly-looking white guy who sings like Stevie Wonder), and Terry McDermott (a Scottish rock singer who simply nails everything he’s given). All three of them are excellent singers (although we are rooting for David, because he is all scraggly-looking and that is sort of awesome). (CTV, 8 p.m.)

The CBC does its best to justify its recent budget cuts by airing all three Santa Clause movies over three successive nights, starting tonight with the first and most barely tolerable of the trilogy. We still have no idea why these movies were so ridiculously successful. Must we continue to encourage them, CBC? (8 p.m.)

Tonight, catch a sneak preview of 1600 Penn, NBC’s new sitcom about a presidential family where Bill Pullman is the President and Jenna Elfman is the First Lady and basically the pitch is “what if Arrested Development crossed over with The West Wing” and you’re not really sure if it’s going to be as good as either of those shows, but you’ll give it a shot anyway because what the hell, right? (City, 9:30 p.m.)


Tuesday

Televisualist would just like to note that, since Torontoist discussed the sorry state of the Toronto Raptors, the Raptors have won two straight. Clearly, what was required in the locker room to reignite the team’s competitive spirit was the realization that we, as a website, take them very seriously indeed. You’re welcome, Raptors! (But still fire Bryan Colangelo, please.) Anyway, the Raps visit the Cleveland Cavaliers tonight, and given that the Cavs have been awful as well, this is potentially a winnable game. Then again, it’s a road game, and our two wins have been at home…. (TSN, 7 p.m.)

It’s the super-special live finale of The Voice where somebody wins and a lot of famous people and all the eliminated contestants show up and sing at you. Could be worse. (CTV, 8 p.m.)


Wednesday

It’s the 2012 Miss Universe Pageant, for everyone who wishes it was still 1983 but with bigger numbers. (NBC, 8 p.m.)

Toddlers and Tiaras returns for a new season, because TLC’s philosophy re: Christmas is that they hate you and want you to be unhappy. (9 p.m.)

New this week: Cheer Perfection (get it? Get the pun? On “sheer perfection”? Hilarity, we tells ya) is TLC’s new docu-series about competitive cheerleaders, their coaches, and their obsessive mothers. We give it four episodes before it makes us want to murder someone, which is the over/under for TLC these days. (10 p.m.)


Thursday

This is about the right time of the season to watch Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer: late enough that it isn’t offensively early like just after American Thanksgiving, but early enough that you aren’t so deeply in the Christmas spirit that you fail to realize that the moral of the special is basically “you are worthless until you are needed by authority.” (CBC, 8 p.m.)

A White House Christmas: First Families Remember is literally a special about former First Family members telling us all how they experienced Christmas while their husband/father/brother was the most powerful man in the world. We are not sure who the target audience for this show is. It probably includes Chuck Todd, though. (NBC, 8 p.m.)


Friday

The Simpsons rerun of the week: “Milhouse Doesn’t Live Here Anymore,” wherein Milhouse moves away and Bart has to be best friends with Lisa. “It won’t last; brothers and sisters are natural enemies. Like Englishmen and Scots, or Welshmen and Scots, or Japanese and Scots, or Scots and other Scots. Damn Scots! They ruined Scotland!” (OMNI.1, 6 p.m.)


The Weekend

In case you missed the approximately four billion advertisements for Rita MacNeil Presents: Men of the Deeps last year, it is being rerun! Because nothing says Christmas like singing coal miners, we guess. (CTV2, 8 p.m. Sunday)

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