By Rachel Lissner • Illustration by Matthew Daley

This week, Torontonians are looking for that someone or something that’s just the right fit.

It’d be really awkward if your friend’s mom expected you to wear this every time you saw her.

Ah, the Toronto housing market. We know as well as anyone it’s hard to find a place, and it’s only getting worse out there. As Tupac once said, “These are the rough times, best to hurry up…It’s gettin’ crazy and everybody’s strapped…While you starvin’ and broke they pullin’ six figures.” (Among other things.)

Nice try, but you can’t be that hipstery. You live at Yonge and Steeles.

Should you find any goggles to help with your, uh, vision, please share them with the rest of Craigslist.

Word of advice: Do not listen to this man. You will receive no bonus points and you will find yourself on Declassified.

For a mere $2,200, you can have a piece of cinema history and maybe even uncover some real gems in the sofa cushions, like a renegade Zac Efron hair.

May we suggest this?

A lot of people do a lot of weird stuff on the internet, and ground zero for commercial e-weirdness is Craigslist. In Declassified, Torontoist combs over our city’s listings to find the best (and worst) of the bunch. Find listings we should include in our next edition? Email them to declassified@torontoist.com.