In this edition, we solemnly declass fleshes, flushes, and darling wives named Amy.

By Kelli Korducki • Illustration by Matthew Daley

Sure, on first glance this may appear to be a misguided plea for friendship. In reality, it’s probably a social experiment (like Ikea!). Your response might get this “23-year-old” tenure at some university.

“No Semen was ever in it.” For those wondering what the least convincing disclaimer in the history of classifieds might be, we may have a winner.

It takes all kinds.

Hey, at least she isn’t shopping for deodorant made of sirloin.

…except the guy selling the used Fleshlight. No blessings for him.

A lot of people do a lot of weird stuff on the internet, and ground zero for commercial e-weirdness is Craigslist. In Declassified Torontoist combs over our city’s listings to find the best (and worst) of the bunch.

Find listings we should include in our next edition? Email them to declassified@torontoist.com.