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Declassified: The City Hall Funnies

A lot of people do a lot of weird stuff on the internet, and ground zero for commercial—and now political—e-weirdness is Craigslist. In Declassified, Torontoist combs over our city’s listings to find the best (and worst) of the bunch.

Jarvis Bike Lane, Barely Used, Free for Pickup

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Much like that cumbersome piece of furniture that’s gone out of style and is deemed unsellable, the soon-to-be-discarded Jarvis bike lane is unlikely to bring in even a few hundred bucks (although one of Karen Stintz’s constituents might want to buy it for her kids so they can get home for dinner on time). But maybe, just maybe, someone with a big truck will come and haul it away for free. That’s $200,000 in the City’s pocket. Hey, with that, they could rebuild the Jarvis bike lane all over again three times. Maybe in 2014?
Hat tip to Mark Jull.

After the jump, another chapter in the saga of Piggygate…


Porky Pining: A Tryst in the Stacks at City Hall

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Remember Piggygate? The City Hall mini-scandal last month started with Councillor Mike Del Grande (Ward 39, Scarborough-Agincourt) bringing a piggy bank to council chambers to remind everyone how much he hates gravy. Mini Mike, as the plastic porker was known, disappeared during a meeting, a ransom note was issued, and he was eventually returned by the councillor who pignapped him.
But there’s a question that’s been weighing on our minds ever since. Where exactly was Mini Mike while Del Grande and co. feverishly searched for him and the rest of the city watched on, gripped by his mysterious disappearance?
Now, thanks to the above tale of porcine love and longing, we have our answer, and Mini Mike has a chance to turn this late-night romp into a steady relationship. Go for it, man. She looks like a total Babe.
Hat tip to Jonathan Goldsbie.

Find listings we should include in our next edition? Email them to declassified@torontoist.com.

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