January 26, 2008
Snappy Answers: In Which We Get a Little Blunt
Snappy Answers runs every Saturday afternoon. Send your questions, be they tough or trivial, to snappyanswers@torontoist.com.
Dear Snappy Answers,
I moved here from the U.S. a little while ago. Down there, I would hear these stories about the lax marijuana laws here and the more lax enforcement of those laws. When I got here, I thought I would have an easy time getting my smoke on. Unfortunately, that has not been the case.
I’ve posted on Craig’s List; I’ve talked to proprietors of smoke shops; I’ve even spent hours walking a loop in Kensington Market (as one proprietor suggested) with the hope that someone would approach me on the street. The one thing I’ve learned from these experiences? Desperation must be a repellent to pot dealers.
I don’t know anyone else here I can ask (and you said “ask anything,” not “ask anything that won’t require us to break laws.”)
I know it’s out there. I just don’t know where. Do you?
Jonesingly,
Lev
Dear Lev,
When you like a girl (assuming you like girls), do you walk a loop around her neighbourhood with the hope that she eventually approach you with a shy smile and an offer of "maybe a drink or two sometime?" Or do you take a deep breath, try not to look so desperate, and go knock on her door?
If you have half a testicle, you'll choose the latter method. And that method works for pretty much everything in life, because as everyone knows, life is a game whose meaning is best explained through vague sports analogies. In this case, you'll only score if you take chances.
Furthermore, our guess is that the Kensington proprietor who gave you this hilariously useless advice was totally screwing with you. Probably because you're American. So drop the Yank accent (and with it, phrases like "get my smoke on"—not cool) and pick up a Tim Horton's mug or a hockey stick or something (we actually have no idea what makes someone Canadian, which is what makes us so Canadian).
If you're still not having any luck at the Hot Box Café (where they can't sell it themselves, but probably serve half the people in town who do), head out of the market and up to College Street. Start at Spadina, walk west, and ask every relatively friendly-looking person you see the same question: "Hey man, you know where I can find some weed?"
And if you get to Bathurst without getting any, stop in at Sneaky Dee's (431 College Street). It's a veritable mecca for starving indie rockers, procrastinating students, and other high-minded individuals looking to cure their munchies with cheap Tex-Mex. Guaranteed, everyone in this joint knows someone who knows someone who sells the stuff out of their dorm room.
Supporting anecdote: A former Torontoist contributor once approached a couple of band boys smoking outside Sneaky's. She shared their pot, then asked where she could get some of her own. They pointed to a big white van pulling up on the street—yes, just like in the movies—and said, "Those guys." She and her friend were actually about to climb in when her boyfriend came out, freaked out, and saved her from making a very hazy decision.
While Torontoist doesn't recommend climbing into big white vans with random strangers—or posting on Craigslist, which is more or less the same thing—we do suggest making friends with them. Who wants to get high alone, anyway? It's the next worst thing to getting off alone.
Good luck!
Are TTC drivers actually allowed to stop their streetcar, get out and grab a double-double with a toasted plain bagel with cheese while everyone on the car just sits there?
—Puneet
You mean, are TTC drivers actually allowed to get hungry and take occasional five-minute breaks to sustain themselves through their long, repetitive, stressful and sometimes even traumatic work days?
God, we hope not.
Does Gord Martineau wear a toupee? And if not, why does his hair look like a helmet?
—Maria
Sources at CityTV CTV swear the evening anchor's hair is all his own. As for the hardheadedness, it can only be part of Mr. Martineau's overall air of immovable gravitas. That, or he and Stephen Harper have the same hairdresser.
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Since 98.7% of Torontonians smoke bud, Lev need not approach strangers and end up with oregano or crappy stuff. Instead he need only make friends. ;)
A win-win compromise would be to pick up an extra double double for your TTC driver next time you stop by Tim's.
That advice on how to score weed was surprisingly helpful.
Good show!
Making friends is the best way, not bad idea as a second way for a new resident.
As anyone who pays even the remotest attention to the subculture that is comprised of marijuana users would know, there are certain industries where workers use heavily. Paying attention to cues in music, television, movies, and other media products should reveal a bounty of information about where to score drugs. Heck, read the news. Follow the police, and you follow the drugs. It's not rocket science. Of course, you take your chances - you follow the police, you are up in it with the police, and they might just bust yr ass. Maybe not, maybe they'll just confiscate yr shit and tell you to take a walk and smarten up. Maybe you run into a hard-ass dealer who decides to take your money and send you home with a shiner. I highly advise you do not approach street dealers. I suggest you follow your nose. It always knows. Find someone smoking weed, ask them if they can hook you up. It's not hard. I passed some kids sparking up on a side street today. But it's a lot less risky if you are at a party, or outside a concert. You know who also has to smoke stuff outside? Cigarette smokers. If you are at a social gathering and you see a couple people standing up, putting on their jackets, and saying "i'm just going for a smoke, get me a beer", ask if you can tag along, bum a cigarette off of them, talk to them, and admit you are hopelessly Keystone Kops when it comes to the detective work. Anyone who smokes cigarettes and goes to parties knows someone who is also outside on the fire escape, shivering and huddled, puffing and passing. Maybe they hook you up on the spot. Maybe they think you a five-o. Maybe they think you're cute, and are willing to give you the connects. Lotta maybes in this world. Where do you find parties? By making friends, talking to people, accepting invites, and surfing the internet.
Lev, no offence man but you must be half-retarded if you can't find weed in Toronto...
You do occasionally get asked while walking around in the market. I would say it happens once every few months though, not every few hours.
This just made my day.