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The Most Wonderful Day of The Year

By Christopher Bird

HA HA HA HA HA HA HAThis just in: Conrad Black has been sentenced to six and a half years in prison for his role in “misappropriating” (which is Rich People for “stealing”) millions of dollars from the Hollinger newspaper empire, and for obstructing justice by allowing certain documents, which would have determined whether or not he was guilty of the nine charges he managed to evade (including racketeering), to “disappear.”
Now, of course the National Post is all over this story, with the usual tut-tutting that one more or less expects from the Post whenever somebody says something bad about a rich person. “[T]oday the orgy of schadenfreude will hit its peak,” they write, clearly concerned with our national character. After all, Rush Limbaugh wrote a very nice letter to the judge saying what a nice person Conrad Black is, and who can argue with Rush Limbaugh?
Well, you know what? Fuck Conrad Black. He’s a repugnant stain on our national character. The best day in Conrad Black’s life, so far as everybody who is not Conrad Black is concerned, was the day that he renounced his Canadian citizenship—a prize millions of people would do just about anything to achieve—so that he could put on a stupid ermine robe and pretend to be nobly born. I’m sure it did wonders for his sex life with Barbara “Queen of the Harpies” Amiel, but to some of us, Canadian citizenship is a privilege.
This is why we consider the fact that Black’s renunciation of his citizenship has come back to bite him in the ass entirely right and proper. When Black says, with the sort of deluded and privileged worldview that is truly impressive to behold, that “Canadians really are getting behind me,” he doesn’t seem to realize that it’s because behind him is the best place to boot his ass out of the country.
Bottom line? He committed crimes, acted like a supercilious jackass in court, and now he’s going to jail for six years. Sometimes the system works.
Original image via lawyersweekly.ca.

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Comments

  • matty

    “Well, you know what? Fuck Conrad Black. He’s a repugnant stain on our national character. The best day in Conrad Black’s life, so far as everybody who is not Conrad Black is concerned, was the day that he renounced his Canadian citizenship—a prize millions of people would do just about anything to achieve—so that he could put on a stupid ermine robe and pretend to be nobly born. I’m sure it did wonders for his sex life with Barbara “Queen of the Harpies” Amiel, but to some of us, Canadian citizenship is a privilege.”
    amen.

  • Jamie Bradburn

    I’m almost afraid to see what the first post-trial issue of Macleans will look like, with all of its pro-Black booster…

  • The Explosively Talented Christopher Bird

    I fully expect Mark Steyn to fall upon his samurai sword, personally.

  • AnarchX

    huzzah, the king is dead, the king is dead ….
    the unfortunate thing is that he probably will only be at a “club fed”. jackass

  • Lands Down

    Tactless post.

  • McKingford

    Well, you know what? Fuck Conrad Black.
    At the risk of repeating Matty, A-to-the-fucking-men.

  • MSH

    Repugnant stain on our national character?
    You need to take a few deep breaths and regain some perspective.

  • beth maher

    No… No.
    Errmmmmmm…. Nope, still no.
    No, I don’t think he does need to take a few deep breaths.
    I mean, even if Black didn’t steal millions of dollars (which, to be fair, he has yet to be directly convicted of) he was a colossal dipshit through this whole trial. For a man who supposed to be so rich, so classy, and so smart, he sure acted like a dumb yokel. And that’s to put it mildly.

  • rek

    Too bad it’s only 6 years.

  • MSH

    I think you, and so many others, have lost the ability to put any of this in any realm of perspective. That THIS man is the man you’re dying to heap all the pretenscious scorn you can dream up onto.
    “Repugnant stain on our national character”?
    First, that there is a “national character” floors me. How pretentious is that? I think the only reason there is a “national character” is because for purposes of that sentence it sounds damning.
    What garbage.
    I personally just think he’s a lightning rod for people with a chip on their shoulder and a foot in the publishing industry.
    I’ve seen that many people here have spent an inordinate amount of time following his life and this case, so I’ll admit I’m not by any stretch the expert, but it also seems plainly obvious to me that a huge amount of people’s own self loathing gets transferred onto him, and because of that things get out of hand and so yes, I think there really is a need for some perspective.
    Take Charles Smith, the former chief pathologist for Ontario, the man who it turns out has ripped families apart with what he’s done. Something truly insidious. There’s ONE MENTION of him on this site, in passing on that self absorbed “DiManno Watch”. But if you search for Conrad Black, there’s like four pages worth of references.
    How is Conrad Black a “stain on our national character”, and that guy gets by with barely a mention? I’m convinced it’s all bullshit ego stuff on the part of journalists and publishers.

  • matty

    I think his only regret was that he had to be tried here in Chicago. I kind of think he’s the kind of guy who wanted go down in downtown New York amidst a mass of reporters.
    I actually think he’s ok with this. And thinks that it’s the downfall of a hero sort of thing. I dunno man, it’s better to read Bonfire of the Vanities than to live it.
    And the renouncing canadian citizenship thing sucked. It was pure arrogance.
    I’m not a canadian, nor ever will be. I guess I’m an english citizen by birth, but come on, where’s your pride man? Oh that’s right you have none.
    I guarantee after his first week he’s going to flip out. Federal prison, despite what people think, ain’t that nice. Actually, it sucks. There’s more to federal prison than white collar crimes. Distributing drugs through international or state lines? Fed.
    Good luck out in, uh, Ponitac prison Conrad. The queen won’t save you out here in Justice land.

  • WannaBinToranna

    6 years.
    Is that all?
    Go down to your corner store and steal a magazine and see if you only get 6 years or a letter from Rush Limbaugh saying how cool you are…if you’re lucky you’ll only get tasered.
    And there are people on here defending this sack of sh*t?
    Good Grief. This guy steals millions and gets 6 years at Club Fed. He’ll get out and have a zillion job offers.

  • Doggiez

    Bravo to MSH for mentioning (so-called) Dr. Charles Smith, who has destroyed many more lives than Conrad Black ever could. Black is great fodder for the media, and that’s all he’ll ever be. The man is a liar born, but does he deserve to be called a “Repugnant stain on our national character”? No, that gives him far too much credit. Black’s greatest punishment is for his gigantic ego to be ignored, so let’s try that for awhile!

  • DaveH

    I believe six and a half years is a lot less than any Liberals got for Adscam. That`s a tough stain to remove.

  • beth maher

    Charles Smith (and I know this personally) is a pretty nice guy, in reality – if incredibly misguided and off his rocker.
    Conrad Black (on the other hand) is patently evil by all accounts.
    They both ruined lives, but only one is an asshole to boot.

  • the goggles do nothing

    Re Adscam:
    Jean Brault got 30 months
    Paul Coffin got 18 months
    Chuck Guite got 3.5 years
    I think these were the big guys and all got less than 6.5 years.

  • Gloria

    Has anyone tried asking William Mullins-Johnson whether he thinks Conrad Black or Charles Smith is a greater blight on our conscience?
    Johnson, acquitted last month, was the man who spent twelve years in prison after being falsely convicted of his four-year-old niece’s murder.
    If you can convince him — a man who must have had to endure God knows what in prison, with a reputation as a child murderer — then I promise to open a paper and read every story in it pertaining to Conrad Black.
    (“But Mr. Johnson, Black is such a DICK!”….)

  • DaveH

    Sorry, meant to say “six and a half years is a lot MORE than any Liberals got for Adscam”.

  • rek

    Conrad Black and Charles Smith can both be stains on the national character without getting equal attention.

  • Doggiez

    Perhaps Conrad Black will become the male version of Eleanor Clitheroe, the now-disgraced and (thankfully) former CEO of Hydro One, who spent thousands of public dollars on personal perks like a $40,000 reno to her home, and $330,000 on limousine services to pick up and drop off her Adopt-O-Brats at school. Her punishment? Finding God.
    Today, Clitheroe is an Anglican priest(ess). I always find it amazing that people who ‘find God’ (I didn’t know He was missing?) rarely, if ever, reimburse those they screwed over in their FORMER secular lives with, oh, say, the money they misappropriated? How’s that for a start?
    If there is Divine justice — and I believe there is — both Clitheroe and Conrad will share a smiliar fate. Will Conrad find God in his jail cell? Only time will tell. Both he and Clitheroe have a fondness for robes, and both will develop calluses on their knees, Clitheroe from praying, and Conrad from servicing his bunkmate.

  • The Explosively Talented Christopher Bird

    I particularly love that the comments have turned into an argument over how to scientifically qualify who the biggest douchebag in Canada is.

  • Lewis Gordon

    Well, justice is finally served, if we can consider 6½ years to be ‘justice served’. Quite apart from his financial ‘improprieties’, there was the national cringe factor caused by the social shenanigans of Lord & Lady Imperiousness.
    Real justice would be: the rest of his days spent breaking rocks on an Alabama chain gang, and the rest of his nights spent bunking with a very large serial rapist. Oh, and with the Right Honourable Brian M. as a neighbour to keep him company (someone from his own ‘class’ of people).
    My only regret is that it took the Yanks to show us how it is done . . . and since I was stateside at the time, I missed it because it did not make the news there . . . sniff.

  • Doggiez

    Speaking of Canadian douchebags, is anyone out there really following the whole Mulroney-Schreiber $300,000 payoff thingie? God, why waste more taxpayer dollars on an inquiry that the Jaw That Walks Like a Man says has affected his “reputation, legacy and family honour”? Mulroney ruined that himself years ago!