Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.
Tonight is game four of the Toronto Raptors/Miami Heat Eastern Conference semifinal (that’s good!). But Jonas Valanciunas can’t play because of his ankle injury (that’s bad!). But neither can Miami’s Hassan Whiteside (that’s good!). But DeMar DeRozan has been ice-cold this series (that’s bad!). But Kyle Lowry finally exploded in game three (that’s good!). But that was one great game out of 10 playoff games so far (that’s bad!). But our bench is still better than Miami’s (that’s good!). But even if we beat Miami, Cleveland is next (that’s bad!). (TSN, 8:00 p.m.)
Love It Or List It: Vacation Homes is just like the original Love It Or List It except for people rich enough to own two properties. (W Network, 10 p.m.)
CNN is trying to make the Nebraska and West Virginia primaries as big a deal as all the previous ones, devoting the entire evening of coverage to it, but come on, Donald Trump is now running effectively unopposed and Bernie Sanders simply isn’t going to end up with more delegates or more votes than Hillary Clinton. It’s basically over, but nobody tell Wolf Blitzer; he gets so excited when he gets to pretend he’s a real reporter. (8 p.m. onward)
Outdaughtered is a new reality show about some people who had all-girl quintuplets because there hasn’t been a “whoa, they have a lot of babies” reality show in a while, we guess. Perhaps these people will deal with the exact same problems everybody else with a “lots of babies” reality show has had to deal with? Or maybe they will invent new problems! Who knows? (TLC, 10 p.m.)
Tonight’s third-season debut of Nazi Mega Weapons is about the blitzkrieg attack strategy, which is not really a mega-weapon but come on, they’ve had three seasons–at a certain point they were gonna run out of neat-o planes and tanks. (PBS, 10 p.m.)
Big Brother Canada ends, and what happened to those foreigners they had appear on the show who were famous in other-country Big Brother series anyway? We don’t know, we don’t watch this. They were just in all the ads, pretending to be charismatic but really just shouting loudly. (Global, 8 p.m.)
The “social media stars” edition of The Amazing Race concludes, and the social media gimmick was a bit overdone at the beginning but after about three or four episodes it was just The Amazing Race, because it’s almost impossible to ruin this show (“family edition” aside). (CTV, 8 p.m.)
Home To Win has been on for only two episodes and it is already getting so, so weird. The first episode of this show featured the 20 HGTV Canadian stars picking which home they would turn into a dream home (one of the possibilities was a personality-less box condo in Liberty Village, which would have at least been a challenge to make interesting), and now we’re into the “teams of two redesign individual rooms” portion of the show, which looks to be a clusterfuck of epic proportions. The first two rooms for redesign were this week: the office-cum-library was at least basically solid, although of course the designer filled it near to bursting with extraneous crap, including a large table which dominates the room. Still, if you won this house, you could pretty much fix the room by throwing out the table (and the tons of awful knickknacks). In the master bathroom, on the other hand, they ripped out the adjoining walk-in closet to replace it with a shelf full of new closets along one wall, apparently so the winner of this home can store all of his or her clothing in the bathroom. Also, they ripped out a bathtub and replaced it with “no tub,” so now there is a dream house where the master bathroom has no bathtub, and I do not know who dreams of not being able to take a hot bath when they need one. But the HGTV people all banter entertainingly, and that’s the reason one watches these shows, right? (HGTV, 10 p.m. Sunday)
Chelsea, the new talk show starring Chelsea Handler, is a total unknown. Nobody knows if it’s going to be good or not. Chelsea Does, her previous docuseries for Netflix, was just garbage, but this is more in Handler’s wheelhouse since it’s a talk/interview show. In conclusion: we don’t know! We can tell you, though, that the first episode is about college education, and features Drew Barrymore, Pitbull and U.S. Secretary of Education John B. King. I know Pitbull’s thoughts about education keep me up nights. (Netflix, beginning Wednesday)
A previous version of this article incorrectly stated the network on which Love It or List It: Vacation Homes airs. Torontoist regrets the error.