Bike lanes? Gentrification? John Tory's day in a nutshell? There's an app for that.
Relief Line is your not-so-serious glance at the city we love.
1 Bandwagon Alert
We Torontonians love our sports teams. Except when we don’t. Then we really diligently ignore them. Thankfully, with the help of Bandwagon Alert, you will get a notification every time one of our teams is in playoff contention so you can dust off your old Eric Hinske or Morris Peterson jersey and jump back on the bandwagon. Likewise, once they lose a couple of games in a row, you’ll get a message telling you it’s time to dump the team quicker than Alex Anthopolous after a pennant-winning season.
Note: The current version Bandwagon Alert does not support the Argos.
Like most Torontonians, you probably struggle to maintain a busy lifestyle while living up to our world-renowned reputation for being pathologically polite. To help you out, the SRYTO app instantly texts an appropriate pleasantry—such as “sorry” or “pardon me”—after every interaction you have with a stranger. No longer will you have to live through another day anxiously recalling how you forgot to say “thank you” to the bus driver who kind of nodded at you. Now SRYTO has got you covered.
3 Ford Nation vs. Dedicated Bike Lanes
In a quirky style reminiscent of Plants vs. Zombies, this game allows you to play as either the Ford Nation—whose drones furiously whip explosive Double-Doubles from SUVs in an attempt to turn Toronto into a giant parking lot—or as Dedicated Bike Lanes—whose community organizers slowly build up local support for their project over a period of decades until a large bike-lane network effectively turns Toronto into Vancouver. It’s time to pick a side because the battle for the GTA is on!
It used to be that you had to keep an eye out for cold-pressed juiceries or church lofts to gauge how gentrified your neighbourhood was, but now you can get regular updates sent right to your phone with iGentrification. Has your neighbourhood been upgraded from a charmingly sketchy Parkdale to a full-blown Riverdale? iGentrification will send you an update faster than you can say, “vegan butcher.” The app also helpfully links with your bank account so you will be informed when you have been priced out of your home.
GRIPr is the perfect tool for Torontonians who want to maximize their griping across social media platforms. With GRIPr, you can ensure that your complaints about the TTC, the unbearable cold, the crumbling Gardiner, and the unbearable heat are instantly posted on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook. Never again will you have to worry that your outrage isn’t reaching absolutely everyone. You can even adjust your settings to have your gripe posted in the comments section of any Torontoist article that tangentially relates to your pet grievance.
geTOoverit’s simple algorithm ensures you will be immediately notified when someone uses GRIPr so you can quickly respond with the comment: “This is Toronto. Get over it.”
If you’re like most Torontonians, you probably have apps for the TTC, for driving, and for cycling. But now you can get one for the next big thing in transportation: hot air balloons. Finally you can connect with nearby hot air balloon pilots, coordinate a pickup, and then get on board for quick three- to seven-hour jaunt to your desired location—assuming that your desired location is a large field unencumbered by telephone wires. The designers are still working out some kinks, and there is still a shortage of experienced hot air balloonists in the GTA, but it’s still the best bet for getting across the city during rush hour.
Are you looking to meet-up with other hot, young single Torontonians in your neighbourhood? Then this app is not for you. Neither is this city. The cold, unforgiving realities of dating in a Toronto mean you will be single forever. All Tinderonto does is remind you of that fact every morning.
9 Mayor John Tory’s Application for Smartphone Devices
In a similar vein to the popular Kim Kardashian: Hollywood app, MJTASD lets you experience an exciting day in the life of John Tory. Sift through dozens of policy proposals to determine which are “fiscally prudent at this juncture” and which “require further research before implementation,” meet with federal and provincial politicians to push for increased transit funding, and ignore community activist groups that refuse to register as lobbyists. It’s all right at your fingertips. Don’t believe me? Just ask Al Gore who raves that it’s “a sober recreation of the practical work required of an elected official. I couldn’t put it down!”