Relief Line: The Prospective Weed Dealers of Toronto
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Relief Line: The Prospective Weed Dealers of Toronto

A look at where you could buy your neighbourhood marijuana.


Weed is finally legal in Toronto! Sort of. Maybe. At the very least it has shifted in status from illegal to “illegal” *wink*. The real question now is who will be allowed to sell it? To help clear things up Torontoist has compiled a rundown of all the prospective places where pot could possibly be sold. One day. Maybe.

A Licensed Medical Marijuana Clinic

The good news is that you can already purchase and consume marijuana as long as you do it through one of the licensed clinics and have a genuine medical condition; the bad news is “not being high” has yet to be recognized as a genuine medical condition. So until the medical establishment catches up and recognizes sobriety as the debilitating illness it is, you may have to wait for one of the other options.

A Weed Dispensary

These not-quite-legal dispensaries have been popping up around town over the last few months, but don’t think because of their casual skirting of the law they will sell weed to just anybody who walks in the door. They are serious about the business and before being served customers can expect to answer a number of questions to determine if cannabis is right for them. Questions like, “Are you a cop?” or “Are you sure you’re not a cop?” or even, “Oh shit, am I under arrest?”

The LCBO

Kathleen Wynne has floated the LCBO as a potential marijuana seller, because there’s nothing potheads love more than a sterile environment, strict operating hours, and suspicious, uniformed staff who ask for identification.

Loblaws

The convenience of this option is great, but buying weed won’t ever be the same after you watch your grandmother haggling with a cashier over an expired coupon for an eighth of Blue Haze Delight.

Your Dealer’s Basement

Technically he deals out of his mom’s basement and, to be honest, it’s unlikely she will let him get a license to sell drugs out of there. That being said he has been super reliable for the last 15 years and you’re not going to let “legalization” get in the way of that awkward bi-weekly interaction that he calls a friendship, are you? Also, where else will you get the real story about what happened on 9/11? Definitely not from one of those government-controlled dispensaries, man!

Uber Drivers

Why not let Uber drivers sell pot? Hell, while we’re at it, let’s open it up to hot dog vendors, bicycle couriers, hairstylists, aroma-therapists and those people who handout free copies of Metro. Everyone’s a dealer! Disruption for everyone! Not cab drivers though. The city needs to draw a line somewhere.

Metrolinx

It might not make much sense for the Crown Agency that manages transportation in the Greater Toronto Area to sell cannabis, but it would bring in needed revenue and makes about as much sense as some of transit decisions made over the last few years. Also, a new hybrid called the Union-Pearson Express could do wonders for Metrolinx’s image.

Yourself

Growing small amounts of marijuana for personal use may soon be permitted and this is great news for everyone who loves getting high but always felt like it never involved enough small-scale horticulture.

That Guy Who Is Clearly an Undercover Cop and is Trying to Get One Last Bust Before Full Legalization

Are you looking to buy a cannabis derivative (street name “chronic”) before consumption and incidental possession is stricken from the Criminal Code? Far out! I know just the street-level hoodlum who can provide this totally awesome gateway drug! He has a moustache and is standing across the street beside that unmarked van. All you have to do is ask him for an exact quantity of this banned Schedule II Substance and then clearly state your full name and address, as it appears on your driver’s license, into his bulky lapel pin. You’ll be smoking a doobie in no time!

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