Televisualist: Bad Christmas Movie Edition

By Christopher Bird

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.

“The gourmet meal represents Iran.”

Monday

The annual Thanksgiving episode of The Middle is always the highlight of the season, but seven seasons into the series, the shows is (understandably) starting to falter. Really, all we want is some comedic disasters and that’ll be fine. (City, 8:30 p.m.)

Chicago Med is the latest spinoff of Dick Wolf’s Chicago Fire, following the success of Chicago P.D.. Now that the franchise has shows for all major branches of the emergency services, the next logical step is for non-emergency public service shows set in Chicago, like Chicago Animal Control or possibly Chicago Traffic. Excitement! (NBC, 9 p.m.)

The Toronto Raptors take on the Golden State Warriors, in a game we mention because the defending champion Warriors have actually gotten better since last year, when they won 67 games and barely had trouble winning the title. They are currently 11-0 entering this game against the Raptors, and while we are defiant homers, even we are forced to admit these Warriors will probably leave the game 12-0. (TSN, 10:30 p.m.)

Peachtree has Four Christmases, the absolutely god-awful Vince Vaughn/Reese Witherspoon “comedy,” where the premise is they are terrible people who hate their families and then have to spend Christmas with all four of their separated parents, until they realize that they really do want a family after all. Normally, we would scream bloody murder about a Christmas movie airing this early, but this one is so bad it is an anti-Christmas movie, so whatever, it’s cool we guess. (8 p.m.)

Tonight: A Cookie Cutter Christmas, which is a movie about a screenwriter who decides to give a bored TV critic an easy out for a gag. (W, 9 p.m.)

Seriously, though, at some point W must have decided that they were going to air the worst Christmas movies non-stop from November to January, because there is no other way to explain their decision tonight to air one of the most terrible Christmas movies ever: firstly, Surviving Christmas, the joyless slog where Ben Affleck hires a family to impersonate his family for the holidays, and then Christmas with the Kranks, where an entire neighbourhood literally bullies a family for not celebrating Christmas in the most garish way possible and the movie decides that they are in the right to do so. (7 and 9 p.m. respectively)

It’s the finale of Canada’s Smartest Person, and the result is … Ellen Dumbledore Farver, the Prince Edward Island botanist! Congratulations, Ellen! Nobody needs to watch the show now! (CBC, 8 p.m. Sunday)

This weekend also brings us the American Music Awards, better known as “the ones nobody remembers.” If you don’t believe us, tell us—without Googling—who won Artist of the Year, Favorite Rap/Hip-Hop Artist, Favorite Pop/Rock Male and Female Artists, Favorite Alternative Artist, and Single of the Year. Can you even manage half of them? (The answers were, in order: One Direction, Iggy Azalea, Sam Smith, Katy Perry, Imagine Dragons, and “Dark Horse” by Katy Perry.) (CTV, 8 p.m. Sunday)

Sister Wives features a two-hour special “tell all” episode, but who cares what these people have to tell? The most important secret of their lives is that they’re in a polygamist cult and we all know that already. This is why you have to go full Robert Durst and only save the big reveal about you murdering some people for the final episode. (TLC, 8 p.m. Sunday)

Happy to state that W/Bob & David, the Mr. Show reunion in all but name, is just as good as Mr. Show ever was: viciously funny, lots of great supporting comics (Keegan Michael Key, Paul Tompkins, Jeffrey Tambor and many many others you will recognize), and not afraid to go for the punch to the gut. Highly recommended if you like Mr. Show, and if you don’t, what the hell is wrong with you? (Netflix)