Televisualist: The One Where We Don’t Even Mention the Pan Am Games

By Christopher Bird

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.

In lieu of Pan Am Games television coverage, here instead are the four British young men from “The Inbetweeners” in school uniforms. You may pretend that the school uniforms are Pan Am Games uniforms if you like.

Monday

Guilty Pleasures: a show about professional television chefs explaining how they love decadent fast foods. Thank god Bobby Flay will tell us about his favourite greasy sandwich! Without that knowledge, I would have had to believe that he was inherently better than me in all ways! But now that I know we both love greasy sandwiches, I can look him in the eye in appropriately manly fashion, content that we are sandwich-equals. (Food Network, 9 p.m.)

Another summer, another season of Running Wild With Bear Grylls, where celebrities show us that they’re willing to set aside their millions of dollars in order to be paid thousands of dollars to go extreme camping for a weekend. First up: Kate Hudson, who’s at that point where she’s too famous to do a regular teevee show but not so famous that she can say no to an appearance on this show if they pay her enough money. (Global, 10 p.m.)

Top 5 Restaurants finally gets down to what Food Network has wanted to do all along: convert food listicles into a TV show! Quick, someone tell BlogTO that the Food Network stole their bit! (Food Network, 10 p.m.)

Spun Out, the CTV sitcom starring Dave Foley that was thoroughly mediocre, returns for its second season, which is likely also its final season considering that the show’s season premiere was delayed for about six months because actor J.P. Manoux was arrested for voyeurism. So enjoy! Nah, we’re kidding, you don’t have to enjoy it. (CTV, 8 p.m.)

Having apparently exhausted the current supply of people affected with dwarfism who want to appear on television, TLC debuts My Giant Life, a short docu-series about women who are extremely tall. This is what TLC calls “counterprogramming.” (10 p.m.)

Wahlburgers returns for a fourth season of, well, the Wahlberg family making burgers, but “side businesses of famous people” is now apparently a brand-new reality TV genre, so enjoy Lachey’s Bar, a reality show about Nick Lachey opening a bar with his family! At this rate, Baby Backstreet Ribs is only a matter of time. (A&E, 9:30 p.m. and 10:30 p.m. respectively)

CNBC, in between shows telling gullible rich people what stocks they should buy, airs Blue Collar Millionaires, a show telling poor people that it’s their own damn fault they’re poor, because look, here are some poor people who are now rich! (10 p.m.)

Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll is Denis Leary’s new comedy about an aging rock band reuniting to try and make it big one last time. The previews available are funny enough, and seeing John Corbett’s character complain that he’s not aging is really worth it all on its own if you hated him in Sex and the City or in Northern Exposure or anything else he’s ever done, really. (FX Canada, 10 p.m.)

It’s getting a hi-def remastered director’s-cut theatrical re-release in the next year, but in the meantime you can watch The Iron Giant tonight—it’s still Brad Bird’s best film, and we’re talking about the guy who directed The Incredibles, so yeah, that’s kind of a big deal. (YTV, 7:30 p.m.)

Welcome to Sweden imitated its namesake country last year by being quiet, low-key, quality entertainment. Like, if IKEA made a comedy show, they would make it this way. Anyhow, it’s still worth watching. (NBC, 8 p.m. Sunday)

The Inbetweeners is leaving Netflix Canada in the next few weeks and, if you have not seen this series, it is well worth seeing: one of the few teen comedies that is actually worthy of the name, this show (the title refers to boys who aren’t quite pathetic enough to be outcasts but aren’t in any way cool) says very accurate and frequently very funny things about what it’s like to be a boy in high school. SPOILER: we’re kinda lame at that age. Most other ages too, really, if we’re being honest, but high school, man, that’s awkward. (Leaving July 24)