culture
Televisualist: Now With Internet Listings! Well, Listing, Anyway
Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.
Just keep pretending you only love it ironically.
Monday
Turn: Washington’s Spies, AMC’s Revolutionary War spy thriller/drama, returns for a second season of being that show that wants to be really good but it’s just sorta okay, you know? Well, at least now it’s got a colon and a subtitle. (9 p.m.)
Take Canada’s Worst Driver and mix it with the 7,000 home improvement shows currently airing on Canadian television, then add a dash of clown college, and you get Blood, Sweat and Tools. (Discovery, 10 p.m.)
Tuesday
Escape or Die! is a docu-series following a professional escape artist as he does crazy escape stunts, which is a better idea for a docu-series than, say, guys running fishing tourist businesses. (OLN, 9 p.m.)
Botched returns for a second season of plastic surgery gone wrong, which is to say: there is literally anything else you could watch that would be better. (E!, 9 p.m.)
Wednesday
Tonight: the final regular-season game for the Toronto Raptors as they enter into the playoffs, playing the (bad) Charlotte Hornets. This game will have playoff implications nonetheless; with two games to go, the Raptors are locked in a tight race with Chicago for third place in the Eastern Conference—and moreover, there is still a slim chance the Raptors could have their first 50-win season ever. (TSN, 7 p.m.)
Thursday
Couples Retreat was one of the worst movies of 2009, in the way that most Vince Vaughn movies since Dodgeball are the worst movies of their given year. Man, remember Dodgeball? It was pretty great. (Slice, 6:30 p.m.)
Friday
Jurassic Park III: the one that isn’t as good as the first one but is definitely better than the second one! Starring Sam Neill as The Only Connection To The Previous Movies. (AMC, 8 p.m.)
The Weekend
It’s the Academy of Country Music Awards. Did you know that there was an academy for country music? Well, there is. Professors of country music line up around the block to teach there. You can get your doctorate in Pluckin’ and Twangin’. (CBS, 8 p.m. Sunday)
The Second City Sketch Project: it’s the Second City doing a sketch comedy show. It looks funny. Nothing much else to say. Support local comedy, and so forth. (Global, 8:30 p.m. Sunday)
Online
Not enough people know about Danger 5, which is a shame because it is absolutely insane. Set in a world where World War II has been going on for 20 years; where, when any significant character dies, their last words are a whispered perfect drink recipe; and where a mod squad of Allied undercover secret agents (who are commanded by a half-man/half-bald-eagle with an English accent) is constantly going on missions to stop the evil Nazis and, of course, kill Hitler. Once you get to the second episode, where the Nazis take control of dinosaurs in order to attack American G.I.s, you will think that you are on drugs. But you are not on drugs! It’s just the show, and the on-purpose terrible special effects! Well, unless you took some drugs. Then you would be on drugs. But it’s probably just the show. (Netflix)