The Post and Sun are Poised to Join Forces
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The Post and Sun are Poised to Join Forces

Our very helpful suggestions for how the conglomerate can maximize its new #brand.

Today, Canada’s competition bureau informed Postmedia Network Canada Corp., the parent company of the National Post, that it does not intend to challenge the company’s purchase of Sun Media under the Competition Act. The announcement clears the way for the purchase, which would make the combined company the largest newspaper chain in Canada. The deal is expected to clear in the next few weeks.

But larger questions remain at what an integrated Postmedia and Sun Media will look like. After all, their two flagship newspapers, the National Post and the Toronto Sun, couldn’t be more different in tone, ideological leanings notwithstanding.

In the spirit of supporting our media brethren, Torontoist put together some humble suggestions for what the new company might want to do to get full value from their publications, if the sale is approved.

  • Postmedia produces classy and proud publications. The Sun does not always meet this standard. So from now on, all Sunshine Girls must be presented in woodcut format.
  • In order to command due respect in the office, Postmedia CEO Paul Godfrey shall heretofore be referred to as “Baron Godfrey of North York.”
  • Consistent branding across media platforms is important, so from now on Financial Post headlines should seek advice from the expert Sun pun department. We offer: “Dairy Farmers Cheesed at Efforts to Reform Supply Moo-nagement” as an example.
  • House style should meet somewhere in the middle. Post columnist Rex Murphy should have his thesaurus revoked, but Sun columnist Joe Warmington is now allowed to use paragraphs.
  • In order to fit in with new Post colleagues, Sue-Ann Levy will be required to step up her support for Israel.
  • After purchasing a large company, resources may be strained in order to pay off debt and find a path to profitability. This might mean that existing employees might be tasked with additional responsibilities. So, in addition to his current duties, prolific Sun City Hall reporter Don Peat will be expected to report on ISIS, Ebola, write the crossword, and, for his most challenging task, edit Conrad Black.
  • Sun staff may continue to fulfill their mandate to “fight for the little guy,” but only from the Postmedia-approved list that includes: climate-change deniers, CEOs, the Laffer curve, and poor, misunderstood oil.