Televisualist: Holiday Irony Is Dead

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Televisualist: Holiday Irony Is Dead

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.

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This is apparently what contestants on The Great Christmas Light Fight strive to achieve. Someone actually TRIED to make this. You may commence weeping for all humanity.

Monday

Returning tonight: Fat joke! Fat joke, fat joke, fat joke, fat joke, ethnic joke, fat joke. Fat joke, fat joke, fart joke, fat joke, fat joke, fat joke, ethnic joke, fat joke, Mike and Molly, fat joke. (City, 8:30 p.m.)

Returning to kill holiday irony dead: The Great Christmas Light Fight, the reality show in which families compete to turn their homes into the most awful celebrations of Christmas excess in order to win money. (ABC, 8 p.m.)


Tuesday

The Story of Frozen: Making a Disney Animated Classic will no doubt have a lot of stories about “Let It Go” being written, but we wonder if it’s going to have any stories about the numerous meetings Michael Eisner took in the ’80s about making a film based on The Snow Queen in which the Elsa and Anna characters weren’t sisters but instead rivals in love with the same man, because chicks amirite? (City, 8 p.m.)


Wednesday

It’s the last new Key and Peele of the year! Noooooooooooooo [checks watch] oooooooooo! (Comedy, 11:30 p.m.)


Thursday

Bones celebrates its 200th episode of absurdly unrealistic “scientific” forensic investigation with a fantasy episode in which Bones is an LAPD detective in 1950s Los Angeles and Booth is a “notorious jewel thief.” We’d snark more but whatever, your mom likes this show, and doesn’t your mom deserve a show she likes? And at least this one is usually funny. (Global, 8 p.m.)

As Christmas Carol adaptations go, The Muppet Christmas Carol is actually one of the most faithful adaptations, even with Muppets flying all over the place and inserted into the plot. Michael Caine is a fine Scrooge indeed, the Ghosts are appropriately creepy (except for Statler and Waldorf as “Jacob and Marley,” but Marley played straight often doesn’t work well in Carol adaptations), and the songs are good. Recommended. (City, 9 p.m.)

Gracepoint concludes, and we all get to find out if they changed the ending from Broadchurch or not. Hooray. (Global, 9 p.m.)


Friday

Larry the Cable Guy’s Star-Studded Christmas Extravaganza features Terry Bradshaw, Jeff Foxworthy, Lewis Black in “just gettin’ my paycheque” mode, and a host of other reasons to watch absolutely anything else. (CMT, 8 p.m.)

Joke or Choke debuted earlier this year on CTV Extend (CTV’s online TV portal, for those of you who don’t watch it—which is a lot of you) and is jumping to basic cable; it’s basically Chopped but with standup comics instead of cooks. Mark Forward is the judge and his “I’m a dick” gimmick gets old after one episode, but it’s not a bad show despite that. (Comedy, 9:30 p.m.)


The Weekend

Undercover Boss is back for a fifth season of bosses being shocked, simply shocked, at how some of the proles behave. Don’t these proles understand that only their sense of personal responsibility will earn the bosses more money? (CBS, 8 p.m.)

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