Televisualist: Mocking Kevin O'Leary Since Basically Forever
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Televisualist: Mocking Kevin O’Leary Since Basically Forever

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.

We would joke that Kevin O’Leary plays an additional Sith Lord in the new Star Wars series, but, really, being a Sith Lord implies a certain amount of malicious—rather than turd-like—presence.

Monday

Kingdom is a series about a family of mixed martial arts competitors/trainers, which is certainly a novel concept for a series. Also novel: the fact that it stars one of the Jonas Brothers, which is certainly the first thing you think of when you think about mixed martial arts. (Bravo, 10 p.m.)


Tuesday

Star Wars: Rebels is, after a promising premiere episode, looking to be a relatively strong offering for Star Wars fans starved for anything resembling quality storytelling in that setting. Granted, the Star Wars animated series have generally always been pretty decent. Even Ewoks, really. (Disney XD, 8 p.m.)

Marry Me has a great cast (including Casey Wilson and Ken Marino) and a reasonably funny pilot, but the premise (two people really want to get married, but it just doesn’t seem to work out) doesn’t have a lot of oomph to it. On the other hand, a funny pilot and good cast can help to work out the kinks. (NBC, 9 p.m.)

The TV adaptation of About a Boy returns—we mention this primarily because NBC’s recent success with turning successful movies into moderately successful TV series led to its recently promising to turn Say Anything into a TV series, but when Cameron Crowe and John Cusack screamed bloody murder on Twitter, it backed off quickly enough. Next week, it will promise to turn Pretty in Pink into a TV series, because Molly Ringwald and Andrew McCarthy aren’t going to say no to money. (NBC, 9:30 p.m.)


Wednesday

Dragon’s Den returns, but without Kevin O’Leary on board to remind us that he is the biggest prick on television. Luckily Donald Trump is still on TV and thus covers our need to have an enormous asshole present in our television lives. (CBC, 8 p.m.)

Also returning for a new season: Nature. Animals are fun! (PBS, 8 p.m.)

Finally, also returning, but for its final season: Republic of Doyle, which is officially ending because the show’s creator, Allan Hawco, “wants to move on” before the show becomes old and bad. Unofficially, the gossip is that Doyle has been successful for long enough that it’s no longer financially feasible in the Canadian television industry—a victim of its own success. We don’t judge either way. (CBC, 9 p.m.)


Thursday

Top Chef begins its 12th season, which will feature Season Eight winner and now extremely successful and James Beard–nominated chef Richard Blais as a judge, thus proving that the system works. (Food Channel, 10 p.m.)


Friday

YTV has picked up Hugo, Martin Scorcese’s gorgeous love letter to the birth of cinema—and the best news is that it’s not in the original 3D. Hooray for standard definition! (7:30 p.m.)


The Weekend

This weekend brings us the annual The Simpsons “Treehouse of Horror” Halloween special, only a week and a half before Halloween! Man, remember when these things actually aired on Halloween? Oh, well. (Fox, 8 p.m.)

CORRECTION: October 14, 2014, 10:40 AM This post originally stated that Kevin O’Leary was still on Dragon’s Den, which he isn’t (as of 2014), and that Richard Blais won Season One of Top Chef, which he didn’t—he won Season Eight.

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