Televisualist: Won't Someone Free Me From This Love Prison?

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Televisualist: Won’t Someone Free Me From This Love Prison?

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.

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See that “Z Nation” zombie in the upper right? Blue shirt and tie? He seems awfully cheerful for a zombie. We’re just saying.

Monday

American Ninja Warrior finally proceeds to the American finals in Las Vegas, and some people will breathe a sigh of relief because it means no more talking about American Ninja Warrior, but those people are unenlightened and worthy only of pity. (NBC, 9 p.m.)

Love Prison, despite its sensationalistic title, is a show about online dating; the “prison” in the title is a cabin on an island where online dating couples who have never met are forced to spend a week alone together. Basically it’s Catfish: The Series except with the prospect of happy endings for the couples who haven’t lied too much about themselves. (A&E, 10 p.m.)

Showcase premieres the third season of Death in Paradise tonight: the entertaining British murder procedural set on a Caribbean island shifts in the third season (which aired on the BBC early this year) as the lead detective character (played by Ben Miller) is killed and replaced by a new detective (played by Kris Marshall), but response to the new lead has been generally positive and the BBC renewed the show for a fourth season. This is a good jumping-on point for people who like fun shows about murder. (10 p.m.)


Tuesday

FX Canada has the season premiere of Sons of Anarchy—well, the fifth season premiere, so you can pretend it is 2012. How about that “Gangnam Style”? That sure is fresh and innovative! (10 p.m.)


Wednesday

Hell’s Kitchen returns for a 13th season, and no doubt that will be referenced repeatedly by the show’s horrible voice-over announcer or possibly Gordon Ramsay himself. Anyway, tonight is the season premiere, so expect most of the chefs to be terrible at actually cooking food and for there to be a boring “surprise” of some kind. (City, 8 p.m.)


Thursday

Global airs Captain America: The First Avenger, which remains one of the best of the Marvel movies, with lush 1940s visuals courtesy of director Joe Johnston (using a lot of the same visual beats that he used in the underrated 1991 film The Rocketeer), outstanding work by Chris Evans in the lead (playing Captain America, who is basically a boy scout/saint, and making him seem real is difficult), and the second-best Marvel movie villain after Loki in Hugo Weaving’s Red Skull. All that, plus the insanely catchy “Star Spangled Man” song. (8 p.m.)

The Biggest Loser returns, and this time around the theme is former athletes who have gone to seed, including former NFL players and Olympic athletes. So there’s that. (NBC, 8 p.m.)


Friday

Package Deal, City’s Canadian-made sitcom about a woman dealing with her boyfriend’s wacky brothers, returns for a second season, thus fulfilling City’s obligation to air Canadian content. (9 p.m.)

Space has the third season of Falling Skies, the little alien-invasion-versus-militia show that just keeps going. There are people out there who watch Falling Skies; we have never met any of them, though. (9 p.m.)

Z Nation is the inevitable beginning of the “TV series trying to rip off The Walking Dead” wave—it’s a zombie series about survivors battling through zombies and is it possible WE are the true monsters, et cetera and so forth. Decent cast, though: Harold Perrineau, Tom Everett Scott, DJ Qualls. Might be worth checking out. Might be awful. We’re not sure. (Space, 10 p.m.)


The Weekend

It’s the 2015 Miss America Competition, which means we won’t know if it’s interesting until the winner is announced, and if she is non-white, how the inevitable flood of racism about how “real American girls never win any more” ensues. Otherwise, who cares really. (ABC, 8 p.m. Sunday)

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