Televisualist: We Also Imported the McRib

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Televisualist: We Also Imported the McRib

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.

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We promise that at some point in the show she shoots a baddie with a real gun. Photo from The Mysteries of Laura.

Monday

This season of Dancing With the Stars includes: former UFC fighter and current Expendable Randy Couture; Olympic hurdling gold medallist Lolo Jones; YouTube celebrity Bethany Mota; former Carlton Banks Alfonso Ribeiro; PBS host Tavis Smiley; Lea Thompson of Back to the Future and Caroline in the City fame; and Tommy Chong, who is Tommy freaking Chong. (CTV2, 8 p.m.)

Space debuts the second season of Utopia, which is to say the British conspiracy thriller show, not the recent American reality teevee show that’s like Survivor except boring. (10 p.m.)

Ken Burns’s new documentary series, The Roosevelts: An Intimate History, promises to have lots of hushed, awed-tone voiceovers, just like every other Ken Burns documentary series. (PBS, 8 p.m.)


Tuesday

It’s the final competition episode of America’s Got Talent! Your finalists this year: four musical/singing acts (two soloists, a cute kid, and a band), a magician, and a team of acrobats. Kinda boring really. Whatever happened to the America’s Got Talent that had professional finger snappers and jumping-rope dogs? (City, 9 p.m.)

Returning: New Girl, which over the last two years has become one of the best comedies on television! Yes, even though it has Zooey Deschanel in it and we’re all supposed to dislike her for some reason. (Fox, 9 p.m.)


Wednesday

The Mysteries of Laura: Debra Messing as a single mom/homicide detective. We love Debra Messing (because she’s good at everything and is willing to look like a dork whenever necessary) and the pilot is enjoyable as procedurals go, so tentative thumbs up. (CTV, 8 p.m.)

We are of two minds about Red Band Society, Fox’s new dramedy about life in a pediatric ward. On the one hand, the kids’ performances are good and Octavia Spencer is in it and who doesn’t love Octavia Spencer? On the other hand, the show gets incredibly schmaltzy so fast and isn’t afraid to grab you by the throat and scream “THIS IS MEANINGFUL, DAMMIT” over and over again. We are accordingly leaning toward a pass, but it’s not a strong recommendation. (9 p.m.)


Thursday

The Bachelor Canada is proof that we will import things that are bad for us, but we already knew that because of SARS 10 years ago. Granted, The Bachelor is probably worse than SARS. (City, 8 p.m.)

Returning for a third season despite having been shown to be conclusively full of crap so it’s kind of amazing that it’s still considered a reality show: Breaking Amish. We don’t get it either. (TLC, 10 p.m.)


Friday

In case you hadn’t had enough Royal Wedding and Royal Baby in the last year, CBC brings you William and Kate: The First Year so you can enjoy the Royal First Anniversary. Just somebody let us know when it gets to the Royal Affair and, more importantly, the Royal Schadenfreude. (8 p.m.)


The Weekend

West Wing fans looking for a new hit can probably appreciate Madam Secretary, the series where Tea Leoni plays a law professor who becomes Secretary of State because the President applauds her for being an unconventional thinker who is willing to break rules when necessary, which is exactly what you want for the person who co-ordinates the foreign policy of the most powerful nation on the planet, but it’s okay because she’s a good guy. (Global, 8:30 p.m. Sunday)

Because Televisualist’s mom demanded we mention it, The Good Wife has its season premiere tonight. Don’t say we never did anything for you, Mom! (Global, 9:30 p.m. Sunday)

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