Televisualist: The Above-Average Tropical Daisy Cul-de-Sac
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Televisualist: The Above-Average Tropical Daisy Cul-de-Sac

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.

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“Look at the expression on that one contractor’s face! Wacky as all hell, I’m telling you.”


It’s Shark Week! Tonight, you can catch Great White Serial Killer Reload, which sadly does not answer the question, “What would it be like if sharks had guns?”, and Jaws Strikes Back, which is about killer great whites, and Monster Hammerhead, wherein scientists investigate a possible giant hammerhead shark. Sharks in tornadoes: officially less impressive already. (Discovery, starting at 8 p.m.)

Tonight’s American Ninja Warrior is a “best runs of the season” clip show, and a clip show might be bad when it comes to other shows, but on this one, it’s just sort of terrifying and awe-inspiring. WHY AREN’T YOU GOING TO THE GYM, LUMPY? THESE PEOPLE CAN DO MAGIC WITH THEIR MUSCLES! (NBC, 9 p.m.)

Somebody at YTV’s programming department has a sense of humour, because they are airing the entire Most Valuable Primate series this week (with Most Vertical Primate on Tuesday and Most Xtreme Primate on Wednesday), and as sports movies starring chimpanzees go, these are definitely three of the most recent ones. (9 p.m.)


4th and Loud is a lifestyle reality show about the L.A. KISS, a new arena football team owned by Paul Stanley and Gene Simmons of guess which band oh right the one they named the team after. It’s part “making the team” reality show, part Gene Simmons being the worst possible human being at all times. If you can tolerate Gene Simmons, seek medical help immediately. (AMC, 9 p.m.)

Cement Heads: a lifestyle reality show about wacky cement contractors. The previews stress the wackiness of these particular contractors. Your mileage may vary. (A&E, 10:30 p.m.)


Tonight on TVO: Ping Pong, a documentary about the World Over-80 Championships of table tennis, which I am sure you will find very inspiring. Old people: they’re not dead yet! (9 p.m.)


The Singles Project is a “real-time dating series,” wherein fans (or, you know, whoever) can interact with the prospective daters via social media before their dates to give them advice, and then the results of that advice are made clear on the blind date itself. This sure sounds like a foolproof idea to us! (Slice, 10 p.m.)


If you missed the second season of Orphan Black when it aired earlier this year, CTV is now airing it in prime time. Insert joke about clones here. (9 p.m.)

strong>The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel has a sequel coming in the near future with Richard Gere in it, so perhaps you want to catch up on the original, a fine entrant in the “old British people being spunky” genre with a great cast (Judi Dench, Bill Nighy, Maggie Smith, Tom Wilkinson, Dev Patel). Perhaps in the third Marigold Hotel movie, they can all play table tennis. (OWN, 9 p.m.)

The Weekend

Bravo airs Moonrise Kingdom, which as Wes Anderson films go is one of the better ones, but not quite one of the best ones. Then again, not one person we talk to about Wes Anderson films—with the exception of Rushmore (great) and The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou (meh)—can agree which ones are the best ones and which are merely okay. (9 p.m. Sunday)