Televisualist: More Rob Ford Content (Yes, Even Here)
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Televisualist: More Rob Ford Content (Yes, Even Here)

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.

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John Hurt looks amazingly badass as the Doctor, doesn’t he? It’s okay to feel less manly in this instance.


So tonight the Rob Ford saga leaks its way into the TV column, as Ford Nation airs its inaugural episode on Sun TV. We’re not sure who on earth thought this was a good idea other than Rob and Doug—well, that’s not true, really. You know there’s some Sun TV executive who figured that getting anybody to watch his network, no matter the cost, would be worth it—considering that at any given time, Sun TV has approximately maybe 17 people watching (and four of them are really cats). Besides, the channel already gave Michael Coren a show, and you can’t sink much further than that. In a sense, Sun TV comes into this production pre-sunk to the lowest depths already, but we look forward to seeing the Brothers Ford in their natural environment: a den of mediocrity that looks like bad community-channel TV at the best of times. Certainly, the four hours the Fords spent taping their show on Sunday will have been worth it. (8 p.m.)

However, in a truly stunning turn of events, Rob Ford is appearing live on Anderson Cooper 360, which airs at the same time as Rob Ford’s new show. Maybe this made sense to somebody else as a promotional tactic. You know, “Let’s have Rob Ford get interviewed on CNN so nobody watches the premiere of his new show.” This, sadly, is something we can see Rob Ford thinking is a good idea. Between this and Ford Nation, we almost want to create a Rob Ford on Television Drinking Game, but then we realized that would be in awful taste, and while being in awful taste is probably appropriate for Rob Ford, we like to think we have standards. Of course, if you read this column regularly, you know they aren’t very high standards, but we’re still doing better than the Fords. (8 p.m.)

And as proof that the American media didn’t heed our sage advice, Piers Morgan Live has Sarah Thomson on tonight; Thomson has claimed she is doing this appearance to “restore Toronto’s image,” and presumably also to advertise her next political campaign. (CNN, 9 p.m.)


David Blaine: Real or Magic features the famous magician doing tricks with Kanye West, Harrison Ford, Will Smith, and Stephen Hawking. We imagine Stephen Hawking will secretly wish he was once again whole of body for only ten seconds, so that he might slap David Blaine hard across the face. Then again, Stephen Hawking probably wishes he was once again whole of body all the time and probably isn’t too secretive about it, so never mind. (ABC, 9:30 p.m.)


The Simpsons rerun of the week: “Marge Simpson In: Screaming Yellow Honkers,” wherein Marge gets road rage when she drives her new Canyonero. “Anger is what makes America great. But you must find a proper outlet for your rage. Fire a weapon at your TV set, pick a fight with someone weaker than you, or write a threatening letter to a celebrity.” (MuchMusic, 9 p.m.)

We’re just going to read you the logline from the first episode of Buying Naked, TLC’s latest reality show: “A newlywed couple new to the nudist lifestyle searches for their first home with a nudist real estate expert.” No—no words. No words to describe it. Poetry! They should have sent a poet. (10 p.m.)


The Nature of Things this week is all about how a Jack Russell Terrier is an example of an animal that evolved to live alongside people, but we know we’re just going to watch it for the cute doggie. (CBC, 8 p.m.)


WHERE WERE YOU? The Day JFK Died is NBC’s Tom-Brokaw-hosted special about old people and where they were when JFK died. You probably got all of that from the title, though. And if you want to argue about the use of “old,” in order to remember JFK’s assassination you have to be at least fifty-four, fifty-five years old, so, yeah. Old. If it helps, we saw Back to the Future in theatres and that was 28 years ago already. (9 p.m.)

An Adventure in Space and Time is a movie about the creation of Doctor Who in 1963, starring David “Filch from the Harry Potter movies” Bradley as William Hartnell, the first Doctor. It’s a pleasant, well-meaning little historical film with no real sci-fi content whatsoever that serves as a nice prelude to the Doctor-Whoopla later this weekend. (Space, 9 p.m.)

The Weekend

Doctor Who celebrates its 50th anniversary with “The Day of the Doctor,” which has already been preceded by a mini episode featuring a still-quite-hale Paul McGann as the Eighth Doctor (the one who appeared in the TV movie that aired in the United States and featured Eric Roberts as the Master) and teasing the appearance of John Hurt as the “War Doctor,” who is also technically the Ninth Doctor. (Previously, everybody assumed that Christopher Eccleston’s Doctor was the Ninth Doctor. This sort of thing can make your head hurt. We advise that you just roll with it.) The 50th-anniversary episode, which also promises the next-to-last adventure of Matt Smith’s Doctor before he gets replaced by Peter Capaldi in the Christmas special this year, will be broadcast simultaneously around the world, which is why here it’s airing mid-afternoon. It could be worse: we could live in Japan and have to watch it in the middle of the night. (Space, 2:50 p.m. Saturday; rerun at 8 p.m. Saturday)

The 2013 Grey Cup, this year being played in Regina between the Saskatchewan Roughriders and the Hamilton Tiger-Cats, will most likely not feature an unwanted appearance by Rob Ford. You’re welcome, Regina! (TSN, 6:30 p.m. Sunday)

It’s the 2013 American Music Awards! Featuring performances by Ke$ha, Pitbull, Imagine Dragons, and One Direction, this music awards show is probably much more relevant than all the other music awards shows, which are different and not relevant at all. (CTV, 8 p.m. Sunday)