culture
Televisualist: It’s Our Way Till Payday
Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.
We always thought D’fwan had potential for his own spinoff.
Monday
Choice rerun of 30 Rock tonight: the classic “Queen of Jordan,” wherein the show morphs into a Bravo-style reality show about Tracy Jordan’s wife Angie. Absolutely brilliant TV. (FX Canada, 9:30 p.m.)
Tuesday
The Simpsons rerun of the week: “Mona Leaves-a,” wherein Homer’s mother dies and an unexpectedly poignant and funny late-era Simpsons happens. “Homer, if you’re watching this, either I’m dead, or you’ve gone through my stuff. If I’m dead, this is my video will; if not, please keep away from my stuff.” (Comedy Network, 8:30 p.m.)
Wednesday
It’s the 2013 MLS All-Star Game, which is sort of different from other North American sports all-star games in that instead of having MLS players play one another, MLS realizes that it gets fans more excited when it has a team of MLS all-stars compete against a top-tier European football club. This marks the first year where team MLS isn’t playing against a British club; instead, this year, the team is playing AS Roma, and while Roma doesn’t quite have the glamour factor of Juventus or AC Milan, it’s still one of the traditional powerhouses of Italian soccer and should make for a very challenging match. (TSN, 9 p.m.)
Surviving the In-Laws is kind of weird because you would expect it to be just another awful TLC reality show, but it isn’t, exactly. See, the show supposedly features the stories of people who don’t want to be identified, so the entire thing is basically scripted vignettes: actors playing the couple do your standard reality show talking-head interview segments, interspersed with “home video” of them fighting with their “in-laws.” Basically it’s kind of like America’s Most Wanted except nobody dies, or like when 30 Rock did “Queen of Jordan,” except this time it’s not being played for laughs and isn’t funny. (10 p.m.)
Thursday
Kicking off today: it’s the Summer X-Games! Moto X, BMX freestyle, skateboard vert, and car racing (when did car racing become X?). Nothing like sitting back with a cold beer in summertime and watching people do insane stunts on skateboards. (TSN2, 8 p.m.)
The basic idea behind City Girl Diaries, like most E! shows, is “what if real life were a lot like Sex and the City?” Of course, because this is E!, the answer is not “there would be an awful lot of murder sprees.” We’re pretty sure a key part of approving television series for E! involves determining if a show is a Carrie or a Samantha. Occasionally they’ll approve a Charlotte. Mirandas are right out. (E! Canada, 9 p.m.)
Friday
America’s Next Top Model comes in for its twentieth season (what? WHAT?) and it’s celebrating by having more than one gender. This time around, female and male models alike compete for the right to be named America’s Next Top Model. We’ve come a long way, baby! (CTV2, 8 p.m.)
The Weekend
Secret Millionaire is one of the new breed of reality shows wherein rich people determine who among the poor are “worthy” of their blessing (see also: Undercover Boss). We hate these shows with a burning fiery passion, just like we hated boy bands when we were 12. (City, 8 p.m. Sunday)
The Discovery Channel kicks off Shark Week with a countdown special, followed by Megalodon: The Monster Shark Lives, which is not quite accurate because, in this two-hour special, the science people are only theorizing that maybe this really big shark that they suspect exists is in fact the prehistoric mega-shark. Which is to say: no sharknados. (9 p.m. Sunday)
Showcase has wisely picked up Broadchurch, the British crime drama starring David “used to be a Doctor Who” Tennant. It’s an eight-episode series about the investigation of a murder in the sort-of-pleasant little seaside town that the British love for some reason (seriously, Brits love the seaside, despite the fact that British seaside holidays are kind of cold to say the least). It’s a great piece of TV. (Showcase, 10 p.m. Sunday)