Every Sunday, Mayor Rob Ford and his brother, Doug, host The City, a two-hour talk show on Newstalk 1010. We listen so you don't have to.
It’s another installment of our favourite radio show, folks! Will Rob and Doug discuss last week’s epic police raid that may have turned up evidence related to Rob’s alleged drug use? Will they discuss why they voted against allowing permanent residents the right to vote in municipal elections? Or maybe they’ll discuss how to achieve solutions beyond talking points when it comes to Toronto’s beleaguered housing agency, TCHC? Nope! They’ll talk about how they don’t like the media.
1:07: Rob and Doug quickly brush aside an unfortunate incident on Saturday, when the mayor was allegedly splashed with an unknown liquid (possibly juice) by a woman at the Taste of Little Italy festival. It’s good to see them take it in stride, but they shouldn’t have to. People, don’t throw things at the mayor or pour liquid on him. Unless he just won a football game and you’re on his team, in which case a Gatorade shower is cool.
1:09: Doug discusses his and Rob’s experience at the Taste of Little Italy festival on Saturday. According to Doug, the number one comment at the festival was “Bleep the Star,” which sounds like the strangest Family Feud response ever.
1:11: After announcing their Father’s Day plans, Doug jokes he wants to know how Daniel Dale wants his steak done, suggesting the Star reporter—as nice a guy as you’ll find at city hall—will be stalking the family. On Twitter, Dale says he’ll settle for a hamburger.
1:12: Rob says he believes the previous administration didn’t want to do traffic signal co-ordination because it wanted to keep people frustrated in their cars. There you have it folks: David Miller, cartoon villain.
1:14: Doug Ford calls left-wing councillors “poverty pimps,” a favourite phrase of Sun columnist Sue-Ann Levy. It’s used to dismiss progressive advocates as being driven by self-serving interests.
1:15: Rob describes his emotional cycle when he encounters TCHC residents who aren’t being served well. He says he gets sad, then angry, then mad, and then tries to solve the problem. Being Rob Ford is complicated.
1:17: Doug calls Rob the most accessible politician. This doesn’t explain the bizarre sight of the mayor running through parking lots and hotel kitchens in an effort to avoid questions from reporters about whether he has used illicit substances in the past six months or is connected to shootings and crack houses.
1:20: Doug criticizes Global News for calling out the Fords on their claim that they’ve saved taxpayers a billion dollars, which they haven’t. I await Raccoon Nation’s shout-out next show.
1:21: After completing his billion dollar talking point/lie, Doug quotes the esteemed Don Cherry, saying, “Put that in your pipe and smoke it.” Doug, please choose your words more carefully.
1:38: Doug’s wife Karly calls in to wish the councillor a happy Father’s Day, but she leaves the radio on in the background, which makes it difficult to hear her. Doug says when he gets home he’ll explain to her how to make a call to the radio show. Sigh.
1:40: Rob’s wife Renata calls in, and his two children, Stephanie and Doug Jr., sing “Happy Birthday” with “Father’s Day” as a substitute. It’s a reminder of Ford’s humanity, and it makes the current allegations all the more troubling and sad.
1:41: Rob and Doug announce the first-ever Scarborough Ford Fest, which will be on July 5 at Thomson Memorial Park, and which will feature free food, beverages, and unnamed amusement rides. Raccoon Nation is also invited to attend the free event, although I’d recommend eating beforehand as the food lineups tend to be long.
1:43: Robert on line one wants Doug to run provincially, and thinks the ward two councillor can deliver 15 conservative seats in Toronto. Robert on line one is a very hopeful conservative. For his part, Doug says he thinks he’s more suited for provincial politics.
1:47: Our caller on line two thinks it’s not the Fords who are making Toronto an international embarrassment, but the media. She singles out CTV’s Ken Shaw and Lisa LaFlamme and the Toronto Star‘s John Cruickshank for what she perceives as unfair coverage. Really? Lisa LaFlamme?
Doug mentions Katie Simpson for some reason too, and adds that LaFlamme and Michael Cooke, the Star‘s editor, used to date. The conspiracy grows.
1:57: Caller Ed thinks Rob needs a security detail when he goes around the city, and Doug agrees. Rob concedes that it might be time, although he says so with some hesitation.
2:00: Rosemary on line five thinks reporters are bullies, and she plans to run for council in Etobicoke-Lakeshore (she did not specify which ward). Okay, new rule: asking the mayor questions about whether he is connected to multiple shootings while the police chief refuses to deny the possibility does not constitute bullying.
2:08: Caller Rob from North York was a campaign volunteer for Rob in the last election, and he asks about garbage. He wants garbage privatized east of Yonge Street like it is west, and asks if that will be part of the Ford platform. Conveniently, it will be!
2:10: Sharif on line two tells the Fords to keep doing what they’re doing. I think it’s a safe bet that they will.
2:12: Eric tells Rob to keep up the good work, and that he can’t wait for the day when the mayor “crushes his enemies” at City Hall. That’s right, the mayor is just biding his time, and then BOOM, he’ll use his political ninja skills to earn everyone’s respect.
2:13: Angela has a problem with yard waste being put out too early. Rob says he’ll go out to her street and tell people to stop. This sounds like the least cost-effective way of solving this problem.
2:19: Doug says he hit the wrong button when he voted against a motion that supported reducing the size of city council at last week’s council meeting. It’s something that happens to lots of different councillors, and is perfectly plausible in this instance.
2:29: Caller Peter fell down recently and needed an ambulance, but says he was more irritated by potholes on the way to the hospital than his injury.
2:37: Caller John compliments Rob and Doug on the great job they’re doing, particularly under “moronic circumstances.” He says he’s a good judge of character, and he knows who the bums are, and it’s not them. I won’t argue with John, because he sounds scary.
2:38: Caller Rob in Scarborough—the third Rob who has called in today—thinks the mayor is great, because he’s the only mayor to do house calls.
2:40: Dan says he knows the Ford family, and he’s sick about how the mayor is blamed for everything. Dan’s right. It’s like the Bible says: don’t throw rocks if you live in glass pipes. Or something.
2:42: James on line three wants to redevelop the waterfront, and Doug says that’s his specialty. Doug asks where Waterfront Toronto’s initial $1 billion has gone, supplying more evidence that he doesn’t know what’s happening on the waterfront.
2:44: Paul says Rob and Doug don’t toot their own horns enough, so he’ll do it for them. Rob says the Fords are a humble family and that’s just who they are, and Doug thanks Paul for the kind words.
3:00: And God bless Ford Nation, says Doug.
Well, it’s been another week of the Ford radio show. There was likely a record number of callers—around a dozen—and despite Doug insisting they don’t screen calls, all of them happened to be positive. Once again, no councillors appeared on the show, an absence that has persisted ever since “Crackstarter” entered our vocabularies, and Doug said lots of Doug-like Dougisms. So it was an okay show. As always, God bless you Raccoon Nation, and thanks for reading. Three out of five slurpees.