Televisualist: Televisualist Love Banner, Michael
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Televisualist: Televisualist Love Banner, Michael

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.

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We’re using a pic from the new “Arrested Development” season airing on Netflix because it’s better than anything airing on the channels this week. Also because Ron Howard’s still got it, actorly speaking.

Monday

This season’s The Bachelorette is, like all Bachelorettes, someone who was previously rejected by a Bachelor on The Bachelor. Because as TV has taught us, there is no such thing as a desirable woman who is independently successful. (City, 8 p.m.)

Bakery Boss is just a spinoff of Cake Boss, both of which premiere tonight. Televisualist doesn’t quite understand why TLC always feels the need to program these sorts of shows in blocks like this. Why air new episodes of Cake Boss at the same time as you premiere Bakery Boss? It seems logical that you would want one running new episode at a different time, because they are the same damn show really. We don’t mean to question the wisdom of television executives who have made their careers out of buying American shows and scheduling them (since that is really most of the job these days), but you have to admit there is some logic to the proposition that maybe you don’t want to air all your new episodes of “reality show where a person bakes things” at once. Maybe you spread them out so fans of reality-baking come back over a longer period of weeks. (TLC, Cake season premiere at 9 p.m.; Bakery at 10 p.m.)

Longmire returns for a second season of laconic prairie justice and also Katee Sackhoff. Really, we watch this show because we will watch anything former Starbuck is in. (A&E, 10 p.m.)


Tuesday

Family S.O.S. With Jo Frost is basically just Supernanny all over again, except it’s less “horrible children need discipline” and more “horrible families need therapy.” This is for fans of authoritarians with British accents only, but then again there are an awful lot of those. (TLC, 9 p.m.)

We’re not sure if there was really a market for “what if The Day After was an adventure show” (or, alternately, “what if Jericho was not cancelled and actually had even a smaller budget”) but Nuclear Family is a fun premise for a TV show: after nuclear war, a family flees into the woods and tries to survive in the new dog-eat-dog world. Granted, there’s the usual conspiracy angle to give the show more of an extended and farcical plot (and also to explain why they just don’t die from fallout giving them all radiation poisoning), but it is fun to see Ray Wise be an evil baddie again, and to see Corin “Parker Lewis” Nemec as a male lead for the first time in god knows how long. (FX Canada, 10 p.m.)


Wednesday

The American Baking Competition is your standard theme-week reality show competition series, and for some reason it’s hosted by Jeff Foxworthy, because baking is…redneckish, now? We dunno. (Global, 8 p.m.)


Thursday

The Simpsons rerun of the week: “The Italian Bob,” because it’s a Sideshow Bob episode and Kelsey Grammer makes any Simpsons episode better. “Simpsons, I beg of you: please don’t destroy the new life I’ve created here! Surely even the most heinous criminal deserves a seventh chance.” (Comedy Network, 8 p.m.)


Friday

If you missed out on The Following when it debuted and you want to catch up on the new buzz-worthy, water-cooler-talkin’ series that became a surprise hit despite it being a massively, massively stupid show that makes Two and a Half Men look like Arrested Development (speaking of which, the fourth season of AD airing on Netflix? Is pretty damn good despite the obvious cost cutbacks)—well, you can catch a rerun of the pilot tonight. It’s new to you, as mid-90s NBC commercials might say. (Fox, 9 p.m.)


The Weekend

We’re not sure why The Killing is returning for a third season, because AMC initially cancelled this show (on account of it being terrible) but then they decided to renew it in spite of seemingly everybody hating it and it not having terribly great ratings. Seriously, we have no idea why this show is back. We might hate Two and a Half Men but we know why that gets renewed: tons of people watch it despite it being awful. This show has no excuse. (AMC, 8 p.m. Sunday)

The Women’s Concert for Change “helps raise funds and awareness for female empowerment,” which sounds mostly like not actually anything helpful charity-wise (these days the word “awareness” just raises all sorts of red flags when applied to charitable ventures), but it has a nice selection of performers, including Beyoncé, Florence and the Machine, and John Legend, who is not actually a woman but whom we suppose very much likes them. (NBC, 9 p.m. Sunday)

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