Televisualist: Now With Zero Per Cent April Fools' Content
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Televisualist: Now With Zero Per Cent April Fools’ Content

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.

"Is not our unconventional family filled with love?" "Yes, but not as far as attractive marketing demographics are concerned " (Screencap from New Normal )

“Is not our unconventional family filled with love?” “Yes, but not as far as attractive marketing demographics are concerned.” (Screencap from The New Normal.)

Monday

The New Normal concludes its first season, which may or may not be its only season as the ratings have been not terribly great, to say the least. But then again this is an NBC show, and NBC these days is thrilled if the audience for a show consists of three teenagers and a cute puppy, and The New Normal reaches at least two teenagers and a scrappy mutt with character, so it is accordingly on the bubble. (CTV, 8:30 p.m.)


Tuesday

It’s the Blue Jays season opener, and fans are excited—baseball fans because the Jays look to be a strong team this year that can legitimately push for the playoffs, and sports fans in general because “Toronto sports team” and “competitive” are two concepts that traditionally are not chocolate and peanut butter, if you follow. Anyway, they’re hosting the Indians at Rogers Centre. (Sportsnet, 7 p.m.)

The Rick Mercer Report and This Hour Has 22 Minutes both have their season finales tonight, which is convenient because there will be no more news until they premiere again in the fall. Yes, we know we make this joke every time these shows debut and conclude, but tough. Jon Stewart’s breaks are a week or two every three or four months and then he goes right back to work. Suck it up, hosers! (CBC, 8 p.m. and 8:30 p.m. respectively)

Donut Showdown is an improperly-spelled cooking competition show about doughnuts. They’re spelled that way because doughnuts are fried dough, you see. Anyway, expect a lot of fancy gourmet doughnuts, many of which you will never want to eat. (Our over/under on foie gras doughnuts for the season is five.) (Food Channel, 10 p.m.)


Wednesday

We’re going to give How to Live with Your Parents (For the Rest of Your Life) a chance, because it stars Sarah Chalke, and we love Sarah Chalke, and the cast also features Brad Garrett, Elizabeth Perkins, and Orlando Jones, who are all also very good at the acting and the comedic-ness. It has Jon Dore in it, and Televisualist historically is not strongly pro-Jon Dore, but we’re willing to keep an open mind given that it’s likely he won’t be writing his own lines. (City, 9:30 p.m.)

TLC brings back My Crazy Obsession because money. (10 p.m.)


Thursday

Some might call Hannibal a desperate ratings grab by NBC, but those people are cynics! Cynics! Just because Mads Mikkelsen plays Hannibal Lecter before anybody knew he was crazy as the creepiest person imaginable (he is even wearing A CREEPY LOOKING SUIT) in no way makes this otherwise bog-standard procedural show predictable as all get out. We don’t think even Laurence Fishburne can save this show, and that says something. (City, 10 p.m.)


Friday

The Simpsons rerun of the week: “Husbands And Knives,” the one with Jack Black as a rival comic book store guy, and featuring Alan Moore and Dan Clowes in vocal cameos. “Yeah, yeah, whatever. Do you know anyone at Batman? ‘Cause I really want to draw Batman. I’m awesome at utility belts. Check these out. This is where the Batman keeps his money in case he has to take the bus.” (CFMT, 6:30 p.m.)


The Weekend

March Madness continues, and at this point most of the underdogs have been shaken out and the overdogs (are there such things, in fact, as overdogs?) have mostly reasserted themselves: Louisville were the favourites going into this tournament and they have pounded their opponents throughout, and neither Michigan nor Syracuse is a tremendous surprise in the Final Four either. The lone outlier remaining is Wichita State, who already dropped highly favoured Gonzaga earlier in the tournament, but of course that means they’re up against the Louisville juggernaut. (CBS, Louisville/Wichita State 6 p.m. Saturday, Michigan/Syracuse 8:30 p.m. Saturday)

It’s the 48th Annual Academy of Country Music Awards! Hosted by Blake Shelton, who really should do all the country music hosting for all the country music awards. Anyway, Televisualist always mentions the country music awards shows (all seventeen of them every year) because they are, as music awards shows go, the best of the lot: a lot of music, some nice speeches and a minimum of stupid awards-show bullshit. Many music awards shows could stand to follow this template. (CTV, 8 p.m. Sunday)

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