Declassified: Small People, Star Wars, and Strikes
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Declassified: Small People, Star Wars, and Strikes

In this week's Declassified: ancient cereal, and some unintended consequences of Bill 115.

Please show some respect for small people. They’re no better at dealing poker than the rest of us.

Small People

This is what life is like for the very short. Everyone wants them to dress up in costumes, and expects them to have fee schedules for different lengths of time spent dealing poker at parties. Good on this guy for keeping it politically correct in his demeaning want-ad, though.

Corn Flakes From a Long Time Ago, a Galaxy Far, Far Away

This guy probably wishes he’d eaten the cereal in 1997, when it was still worth something.

Strike Profiteering

Of course I’ll pay you, internet stranger, to let my kids hang out with your kids in some kind of unlicensed daycare situation. Just let me sprinkle some Valium on their mac and cheese first, so they don’t cry when I drop them off. Their well-being is literally meaningless to me! I only had them for tax purposes!

Strike Propositioning

And of course, the teachers’ union’s rolling strike has also given rise to its share of no-strings-attached sex ads. Wouldn’t any mom, no matter how horny, have kids around in this situation? Is the idea just to tell them to play outside while mommy has alone time with the nice, creepy man?

Makey Outies

“Makey outies?” No guy hoping to have sex would ever use that phrase. This ad was clearly written by a cartoon chipmunk.

A lot of people do a lot of weird stuff on the internet, and ground zero for commercial e-weirdness is Craigslist. In Declassified, Torontoist combs over our city’s listings to find the best (and worst) of the bunch. Find listings we should include in our next edition? Email them to [email protected].