Declassified: Future Roomates and Future Boyfriends



Declassified: Future Roomates and Future Boyfriends

In this week's Declassified, Torontonians seek companionship, among other things.

Holy tapdancing shit.

All Roomates to All Men

This guy will be whoever you want him to be, as long as you’re willing to put up $550 a month so he can continue living in his crumbling, unrenovated 1970s apartment. Is that addendum for real, though? Everyone who lives in a low-rent Toronto high-rise hears a murder in their stairwell sooner or later, pal. That, or there’s a catastrophic fire that forces everyone out of their apartments for a month. Suck it up.

Hello, Nurse

Traditionally, a wet nurse is someone who breastfeeds another woman’s baby. Realistically, there’s no baby involved here. In other words, a person is hoping that someone will click on this ad thinking, “Aw, I could breastfeed someone else’s kid,” and then be like, “Meh, I guess doing it for a grown man would be fun.”

The Best Date Ever

“All the hype.” All of it.

Man Seeks Girlfriend

Okay, English is not your first language. That’s understandable. But don’t all cultures know that caps lock isn’t the way to woo a woman? Also, this may be controversial, but: paintball is for dorks.

Don’t Cross the Streams

This is definitely the best deal on Craigslist this month.

Fair Trade

The only issue here is that anyone who owned a cheap fishing boat would probably already have these things.

A lot of people do a lot of weird stuff on the internet, and ground zero for commercial e-weirdness is Craigslist. In Declassified, Torontoist combs over our city’s listings to find the best (and worst) of the bunch. Find listings we should include in our next edition? Email them to