TIFF ’12 Scenes: The Weekend Edition

By Christopher Bird, and Julian Carrington • Photos by Christopher Drost and Erin Seaman

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<strong>Fun Hugo Weaving fact:</strong> HE WANTS TO MURDER YOU. (Here, is wanting to murder you at the premiere of <em>Cloud Atlas</em>.)<br /> <br /> <em>(Erin Seaman)</em>

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James D'Arcy, realizing he is trapped in Hugo Weaving's death-stare, knows not to break eye contact, because that is when Hugo Weaving strikes.<br /> <em>(Erin Seaman)</em>

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Lana Wachowski (here pictured with co-director Tom Tykwer) is quite simply a role model for trans youth and a story of human strength. With terrible, terrible hair.<br /> <br /> <em>(Erin Seaman)</em>

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Tom Hanks is extremely rich and if we make jokes about him he can have us killed. That is how you know he is rich. Hugo Weaving is a character actor and he has to do it himself, but Tom Hanks? Tom Hanks has people.<br /> <br /> <em>(Erin Seaman)</em>

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"Oh, good, a chance for me to stammer adorably!"<br /> <br /> <em>(Erin Seaman)</em>

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If you look closely at Zac Efron, in his eyes you can see him desperately hoping that somebody will once again pay him to sing about high school.<br /> <br /> <em>(Erin Seaman)</em>

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Dennis Quaid's Joker-like visage will one day devour us all.<br /> <br /> <em>(Erin Seaman)</em>

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Jake Gyllenhaal, performing the rare and impressive No-Look-Autograph-During-Minor-Stroke.<br /> <br /> <em>(Christopher Drost/Torontoist)</em>

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"My word. I really <em>am</em> incredibly handsome, aren't I?"<br /> <br /> <em>(Christopher Drost/Torontoist)</em>

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It is British law that once you play 007, you get "all of the chicks forever." This is not the most progressive law ever written, but Winston Churchill wrote it, so blame him.<br /> <br /> <em>(Christopher Drost/Torontoist)</em>

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It turns out that he is exactly old enough for this shit.<br /> <br /> <em>(Erin Seaman)</em>

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"So you say you were a Black Panther in Los Angeles? Well, <em>I</em> once had to travel to Bel Air to escape civil unrest."<br /> <br /> <em>(Erin Seaman)</em>

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You may think that the Smith children are irritating, but look at the bright side: they will be in successful movies for the rest of your life!<br /> <br /> <em>(Erin Seaman)</em>

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"Okay, everybody - on the count of three, don't mention Scientology!"<br /> <br /> <em>(Erin Seaman)</em>

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Dustin Hoffman tells Maggie Smith a particularly good dick joke.<br /> <br /> <em>(Erin Seaman)</em>

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<strong>[INSERT METH JOKE HERE]</strong><br /> <br /> <em>(Erin Seaman)</em>

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Billy Connolly tells Dustin Hoffman that he is short. Hoffman, in turn, threatens Billy Connolly with a beating. However, as a good Scot, Connolly enjoys a beating, so this is counterproductive.<br /> <br /> <em>Erin Seaman</em>

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And then, Salman Rushdie got targeted by yet another fatwah for wearing white after Labour Day.<br /> <br /> <em>(Christopher Drost/Torontoist)</em>

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"Hey, Justin." "Hey, Ben." "What's up with you?" "Oh, you know, being openly begged to lead the Liberal party, that sort of thing. You?" "Oh, the usual—national joke, squandered my chances at anything substantial, all that." "Right. Good luck, then."<br /> <br /> <em>(Christopher Drost/Torontoist)</em>

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Solidarity means wearing cliched T-shirts.<br /> <br /> <em>(Christopher Drost/Torontoist)</em>

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FAR RIGHT: WWE superstar and Only Living Breathing Funkasaurus (In Captivity) Brodus Clay. TO HIS LEFT: Nobody cares.<br /> <br /> <em>(Christopher Drost/Torontoist)</em>

'No One Lives' - TIFF 2012 Midnight Madness

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FUN FACT: Kate Hudson agreed to star in <em>The Reluctant Fundamentalist</em> because she thought it was a wacky romantic comedy about an evangelical preacher from Tennessee who gets stuck in San Francisco and has to beg money from gay strippers for busfare home.<br /> <br /> <em>(Christopher Drost/Torontoist)</em>

'The Reluctant Fundamentalist' Gala Premiere - TIFF 2012

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At Midnight Madness you can get away with making silly faces, because they don't have standards.<br /> <br /> <em>(Christopher Drost/Torontoist)</em>

'No One Lives' - TIFF 2012 Midnight Madness

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Peter Gabriel, seconds before he made a duckface.<br /> <br /> <em>(Christopher Drost/Torontoist)</em>

'The Reluctant Fundamentalist' Gala Premiere - TIFF 2012

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"Look, just <em>pretend</em> that I'm Emma Watson, okay?"<br /> <br /> <em>(Christopher Drost/Torontoist)</em>

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<strong>"RUFFALO ANGRY! RUFFALO SMASH! RUFFALO IS STRONGEST ONE THERE IS!"</STRONG><br /> <br /> <em>(Erin Seaman)</em>

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<strong>"NORTON ANGRY! NORTON SMASH RUFFALO! NORTON SHOULD HAVE BEEN IN BILLION-DOLLAR MOVIE! NORTON IS MOST TALENTED ONE THERE IS!"</STRONG><br /> <br /> <em>(Erin Seaman)</em>

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Gwyneth Paltrow, here shown in her "Just Being Gwyneth Paltrow" phase of her career.<br /> <br /> <em>(Erin Seaman)</em>

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Johnny Depp takes a welcome break from being the same character in every Tim Burton movie ever.<br /> <br /> <em>(Erin Seaman)</em>

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Johnny Depp sticks it to those bourgeois Pilgrims and, yes, the jive turkeys. Get it? Jive turkeys? We kill us.<br /> <br /> <em>(Erin Seaman)</em>

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"FEAR ME!" "Um... no?"<br /> <br /> <em>(Christopher Drost/Torontoist)</em>

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"RACHELLLLL!" "Actually, my name is Leslie, but okay."<br /> <br /> <em>(Christopher Drost/Torontoist)</em>

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"Look, officer, it wasn't my fault that you got trapped underground for months. That was entirely Bane's doing."<br /> <br /> <em>(Christopher Drost/Torontoist)</em>

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The TIFF red carpet premieres continued apace on Saturday, highlighted by the world debut of the Wachowski siblings’ epic adaptation of David Mitchell’s Cloud Atlas. The film features what seems like half of Hollywood, as well as stars from the UK, South Korea, and China. Among many others, cast members Tom Hanks, Halle Berry, Susan Sarandon, Hugo Weaving, Hugh Grant, Jim Broadbent, and Keith David were all in attendance at the Princess of Wales Theatre.

Elsewhere, Saturday also saw debuts for Mira Nair’s The Reluctant Fundamentalist, Jake Gyllenhaal cop vechicle End of Watch, Gwyneth Paltrow sex addiction dramedy Thanks for Sharing, and Midnight Madness selection No One Lives, while Johnny Depp turned up to support Amy Berg’s documentary about the West Memphis Three.

On Sunday, another high-profile celeb leant support to a social justice doc, with Will Smith walking the Roy Thomson Hall red carpet ahead of Shola Lynch’s Free Angela & All Political Prisoners. Other Sunday premieres included Ramin Bahrani’s At Any Price; Dustin Hoffman’s directorial debut, Quartet; the Viggo Mortensen–starring Everybody Has a Plan; Deepa Mehta’s Midnight’s Children; and Susanne Bier’s Love is All You Need. Also skulking on the festival’s fringes: the ever-furious Toronto Batman.

CORRECTION: September, 11 3:30 PM In the gallery, we mistakenly stated that Jim Sturgess was trapped in Hugo Weaving’s death-stare, but it’s actually James D’Arcy who is trapped in Hugo Weaving’s death-stare.

Text by Julian Carrington; captions by Christopher Bird.