Televisualist: Week of Things Ending
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Televisualist: Week of Things Ending

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.



Monday

2 Broke Girls concludes with an hour-long episode featuring Martha Stewart. What ethnicity is Martha Stewart again? Does she have one that’s amusing? Because they’ll have to make fun of that. (City, 8 p.m.)

The Voice has come down to its finals, which is really the least interesting part of any singing show, because the audition rounds are always more fun: the singers are all fresh and new and haven’t been singing karaoke at you for weeks at that point. In any case, your finalists are Juliet “rocker chick #5889” Simms; Chris “sings operatically, which is a clever hook, but he’s not really a great opera singer, come to think of it” Mann; Tony “I used to be a Mouseketeer like Christina Aguilera and that’s my hook rather than being a distinctive or really great singer” Lucca; and Jermaine “should probably win” Paul. But who knows? Maybe America is really, really invested in making sure that Tony Lucca gets to be as famous as Christina Aguilera, who was a Mouseketeer just like him but unfairly had more talent than him and so therefore got to be famous. (CTV, 8 p.m.)

World’s Wildest Police Videos returns for another season of police officers blatantly abusing suspects, trampling civil rights and—what? Really? Sorry, it seems this show is mostly about thrilling car chases and those crazy things perps do in order to pretend that they are innocent. But that’s almost the same thing! (Spike, 8 p.m.)


Tuesday

The Voice‘s season finale has performances by Justin Bieber, Lady Antebellum, Flo Rida, and Hall and Oates, which is quite fitting for a show that seems to pull all of its musical challenges out of a hat on a weekly basis. “This week, half of you will sing Clay Aiken songs! And the other half of you will sing Megadeth songs!” (CTV, 9 p.m.)

It’s also the season finale of Unforgettable, which apparently has a strong chance of being cancelled at this point. We honestly had to check to remind ourselves what Unforgettable is about (it’s a procedural about a woman who can remember things really, really well). We didn’t do that for the cheap gag re: the name of the show. It was a coincidence. But it certainly was ironic that way! (CBS, 10 p.m.)

Dangerous Flights is a reality show about ferry pilots, who fly used airplanes to their points of sale, and this is dangerous because the planes are, well, used (with all that implies) and because they are frequently flown much farther than they are intended to fly. They probably should have named this show Will It Crash? (Discovery, 9 p.m.)

Another season finale, for Parks and Recreation, as we get to find out if Leslie Knope indeed becomes a city councillor or Paul Rudd’s Nick Newport will somehow beat her and cause her and most of the rest of her department to get fired. Or, let’s be honest, it’s entirely possible that the gun-store owner or the porn star who said she agreed with Leslie about “everything” could win, because the city of Pawnee is full of very silly people. (City, 9:30 p.m.)


Wednesday

The Simpsons rerun of the week: “Double Double Boy In Trouble,” where Bart plays out The Prince and the Pauper with his uber-rich double. (Okay, we’re in a bit of a fallow zone right now for quality Simpsons reruns.) “If that kid thinks I’m putting him through four years of puberty, he’s got another thing coming. Stupid kids, think I’m made of hormones.” (Comedy Network, 8 p.m.)


Thursday

The Office concludes with a whimper rather than a bang. Honestly, this season has been the worst one for this show so far; it is not that the departure of Steve Carell from the show should have been fatal, but that in his absence the show has become rudderless. A lengthy and pointless cast-split that sets half of the officevolk in Florida for a half-dozen episodes, complete with a lengthy, never-gonna-happen tease of Jim having an affair, only served to make this show seem even more lost. And, next season, Ed Helms, John Krasinski, Mindy Kaling, and Rainn Wilson are all potentially not returning (although NBC will most likely do whatever is necessary to re-up them, given that finding comedies able to perform like The Office can even in its dotage turns out to be difficult), so the show seems even more adrift. (Global, 9 p.m.)

If you’re looking for the most depressing show in the world, we think it is Slice’s Love Hunters (and, of course, the most depressing show in the world would air on Slice): it is a show about thirtysomethings trying to date using every gimmick that exists (speed dating, internet dating, matchmaking, you know it). Slice is opening this show with a mini-marathon of four episodes. Our over/under on you wanting to slit your wrists is 13 minutes into the first episode. (9 p.m.)


Friday

Fringe has been confirmed for a fifth and final season, so tonight’s season finale is not a series finale (as the show-runners were apparently prepared for). Hooray for DVD extras we will see one day! (City, 9 p.m.)


The Weekend

Survivor concludes a reasonably good season with the standard two-hour Sunday-night season finale. Although the last few episodes have become a bit rote—mostly because Kim knows what she is doing and most of the rest of the tribe is playing “maybe I can get to the finale and upset Kim”—it’s always pleasant to see a new player really grab the reins of the game and take control, because that action is what drives all of the best Survivor narratives, whether it is “masterful player cruises to victory” or “masterful player is suddenly blindsided.” Granted, the best option is always “duel of masterminds,” but that happens so, so rarely, mostly because one of the true lessons that can be learned from watching Survivor is that humans, as a rule, risk-manage very conservatively and overestimate their own strengths. We know you probably didn’t think that anything involving Jeff Probst could say anything eloquent about the human condition, but there you go. (Global, 8 p.m. Sunday, reunion aftershow 10 p.m.)

Desperate Housewives ends after eight seasons of…okay, we stopped watching about halfway through season two. We understand Dana Delany showed up at some point, though. (CTV, 9 p.m.)

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