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Newsstand: May 25, 2012
As a famous snake once said, TGIF! Thank goodness I've fangs! If you're TGing today, let it be for Friday. We've had enough of the whole vampire craze. In the news: No casino plans for the Port Lands (or so they'd have us believe); road hockey will continue to be prohibited; inspection of the perfectly safe Gardiner has seemingly become more urgent; a bar in an unlikely place; more G20-related embarrassment for the Toronto Police; and no subway service from Bloor Station to Union Station this weekend.
Sorry to disappoint you casino conspiracy theorists, but according to the president of Waterfront Toronto, a casino is not on the radar for the Port Lands. Instead, they are more preoccupied with finding the funding for the massive redevelopment plan. Hmmmm. A massive redevelopment plan. This still sounds a little fishy. If not for a casino, why else would Toronto’s first streetcar line built in more than a decade eventually extend south of the Gardiner Expressway into the Port Lands? Oh yes, we’ve got our eye on you, Waterfront Toronto.
City Councillor Josh Matlow (Ward 22, St. Paul’s) is putting his road hockey exemption plans on ice. His idea criticized for being too bureaucratic, Matlow says he endured an “awful 24 hours” after releasing his plan, fielding plenty of negative feedback. Perhaps next Matlow can turn his attention to hula hooping. That seems like the sort of thing he’d like to ask Torontonians to jump through. Sorry, Matlow. This torment might last longer than the prescribed 24 hours.
No, no, the Gardiner Expressway is perfectly safe, nothing to worry about or see here, it’s all good, butletsquicklyrepairthisbastardintheskybeforesomebodydies! The City of Toronto has added more crews and sped up inspections of the Gardiner after just three teeny-tiny falling concrete incidents. Oh please, they didn’t all happen on the same day or anything. Thrice monthly is just normal wear and tear. Everyone just relax, andavoidthegardinerasifyourlifedependsonit.
A retired police officer, and perhaps anyone considering how police officers get to and from headquarters, or get around while on the job, is questioning the need for a bar at the Toronto Police headquarters on College Street. A bar that does not serve food, does not have a bartender, is only for senior officers, and relies only on the honour system.
When they aren’t drinking at headquarters, some of Toronto’s boys in blue can (allegedly) be found hurling insults at the public. You know, nice little terms of endearment like “fucking dyke” and “douchebag.” They might also be so kind as to provide a sort of colonoscopy involving a baton. Thanks, police, for giving us a reason to once again reflect on how lucky we were to have the great honour of playing host to 2010’s G20. That went well.
There will be no subway service from Bloor Station to Union Station this weekend. Due to an ongoing construction project, southbound trains on the Yonge line will terminate at Bloor Station, while southbound trains on the University-Spadina line will terminate at Union Station. Everyone’s favourite form of transportation, shuttle buses, will be running.