Newsstand: April 2, 2012
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Newsstand: April 2, 2012

There’s something about this day that is just so “real.” So “now.” Take it in, bros. Don’t let the world pass you by. In today’s news: potential police beating, small zoos in limbo, cheap gas pandemonium, and the Sun reports on the Junos.

An Occupy Toronto protester who was arrested over the weekend says she received a busted-up face at the hands of the police. Surprising, right? Angela Turvey was arrested outside a University Avenue courthouse on Friday. She says she wasn’t resisting, but police broke her nose and orbital bone (we are trusting her that this is indeed the name of an actual bone) anyway. Her face is clearly injured—swollen and covered in bruises—and her eyebrow has several stitches. So, who wants to take bets on whether we’ll get to the bottom of who hurt her?

Things aren’t looking good for High Park Zoo or the farm on the island. Both are slated for closure if the city can’t find a private operator, but no one has come forward yet (running a free zoo isn’t exactly an attractive business opportunity, somehow). High Park’s animal lovers, including Councillor Sarah Doucette (Ward 13, Parkdale-High Park), say they have to do something, and are campaigning to raise money to keep their local mini-zoo open. They’ve so far raised $25,000 of the $100,000 required to keep the place running until the end of the year. It’s also unclear where the animals would go if these zoos closed. Maybe we can just set them free at Nathan Phillips Square. Go back to nature, furry friends!

Get out of bed and get your clothes on fast! Gas is on sale for 50 cents a litre and it’s not going to last forever! We suppose you can be forgiven if you don’t think that’s a huge deal, but the people behind the wheels of the cars lined up on Eastern Avenue appear to disagree. Eastern Auto is selling gas for a paltry 50 cents a litre until 11 a.m., or until 10,000 litres are sold. Cars are stretching down the street, likely idling, eager to get the deal. People love cheap gas. It is a fact of science!

And finally, what better way for the Toronto Sun to show its appreciation for the arts than with this headline: “2012 Junos just plain weird.” The Sun cites the presence of William Shatner as host and the fact that no other international celebrities attended as big factors. Because you know, that’s how you celebrate Canadian music: with foreign celebrities! The paper also implies Drake has artistic standards, so, well, take it for what it is. And the worst Junos-crime of all? Nickelback didn’t win. Dogs and cats living together! Mass hysteria!