Televisualist: I Can See Russia From My House
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Televisualist: I Can See Russia From My House

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.

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Julianne Moore as Sarah Palin as Scatman Crothers.

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Monday

On The Voice, “the battles begin” as each of the Major Singing Stars (Christina Aguilera, Cee-Lo Green, Country Guy, and Other Guy) has their team of singers assembled. Last year, this is about where The Voice started to get boring, as at this point it is just another singing competition and the hook of “they have to pick on sound alone” is dead in the water after the tryouts. But the show is relentlessly positive, which is much more nice than American Idol or The X Factor or really anything involving Simon Cowell. So that’s okay, we guess. (CTV, 8 p.m.)

Tonight’s Bachelor is the traditional “Women Tell All” episode, where the show gets approximately 50 per cent bitchier and remains about as interesting as tapioca pudding. Like, not even good tapioca pudding. The type you get at mediocre buffet restaurants. (ABC, 8 p.m.)


Tuesday

It’s Super Tuesday! Which isn’t as super as the Super Tuesday in 2008, because that Super Tuesday was 24 states (and American Samoa!) whereas this Super Tuesday is a measly 10 states. Given the last few primaries and caucuses, the general sentiment appears to be that this is the point where Mitt Romney will finally seal the deal and become the likely Republican candidate for president, which thrills everybody as much as the concept of eating an entire jar of mayonnaise with a spoon. (Did you gag when you imagined doing that? We totally did.) Of course, if Newt Gingrich or Rick Santorum or both manage another round of upsets, then we could watch Mitt Romney make himself ever more dislikeable for another month or three. And that would be terrible, huh? (CNN, 8 p.m.)

We were totally surprised when we found out that Breaking In had been renewed for a second season, because, well, it was a fun, low-rated sitcom on Fox, and those generally die quickly. But it’s back for a second season, so we’re not going to complain: this show is a plucky little sucker and we’re glad to see Christian Slater in a show that is not terrible, because Christian Slater deserves to be in something good again. (Fox, 9:30 p.m.)


Wednesday

America’s Next Top Model returns for season 18 (seriously, we don’t know how this show keeps on going). This season’s twist is that half of the contestants are former competitors on Britain’s Next Top Model, which means that at some point in the future former competitors from Canada’s Next Top Model will probably go south to compete on ANTM and Tyra Banks will strive to find new ways to be witty about that. (CTV2, 8 p.m.)

Revenge For Real is a news show themed on ABC’s hit soap Revenge (which is trashy, but fun), wherein real stories of murderous revenge in the Hamptons are recounted. You can skip this, unless you were one of those people who always enjoyed Unsolved Mysteries more than you should have done. (City, 10 p.m.)


Thursday

The Genie Awards happen! The show will last one hour. That is the Canadian movie industry in a nutshell for you, folks: our major awards show lasts one hour long and airs at eight o’clock. (CBC)


Friday

This week on Grimm: nobody cares! (CTV, 9 p.m.)

The Simpsons rerun of the week: “The Bob Next Door,” in which nobody believes Bart when he believes Sideshow Bob has moved in next door. SPOILER: Sideshow Bob has of course moved in next door. “Now that it’s empty, who’s gonna buy their house? What if someone moves in with two Barts? Or four teenage Barts?” (Fox, 11 p.m.)


The Weekend

Game Change is HBO’s adaptation of the book of the same name, about the 2008 American presidential election. The movie focuses on the Republican campaign, as the Democrats are all entirely offstage, and within the campaign focuses on Sarah Palin and the fact that she was completely and totally unprepared to be vice-president. Julianne Moore inhabits Palin so completely you will frequently forget that you are watching Moore and not Palin. Ed Harris’ John McCain is a less-perfect imitation, but his performance is as solid as you would expect from a Hollywood veteran. Woody Harrelson, as campaign manager Steve Schmidt, plays “Woody Harrelson as a campaign manager,” but hell with it, he’s entertaining. This is a really great movie from HBO. Don’t miss it if you can see it. (Saturday, 9 p.m.)

Bob’s Burgers returns for a second season, and although we still wish that most of the female characters on this show were voiced by actual women rather than men doing their impressions of what they think women sound like (seriously, it’s just distracting whenever a female character who isn’t voiced by Kristen Schaal says anything at all), it’s still a funny show, and a nice change of pace from the Seth McFarlane animation empire that dominates Fox. (Global, 8:30 p.m. Sunday)

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