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Newsstand: December 29, 2011
Do you even know it's Thursday, or are the days just a blur of leftover eggnog? A side of news for that 'nog: Baby Jesus goes missing from Streetsville nativity, even more reasons to hate jury duty, a look at who the mayor's been meeting, and a love story about Ontarians and their booze.
Someone is in a buttload of trouble with God. We know He’s merciful now and all, but stealing the little nativity figurine that represents His only begotten son, the one that died on the cross to take away the sins of the world, is probably crossing a line. The little baby Jesus was swiped from the nativity scene outside a Streetsville church sometime around Tuesday morning. Apparently plundering nativity scenes is a thing these days, with this incident in Streetsville only part of a broader conspiracy that spans the continent and may or may not involve albino monks. (Probably doesn’t.)
Jury duty sounds like the worst. Because it is. And it may be especially bad for us suckers in Ontario. For one, contrary to collective hope, Pauly Shore is not at all involved in the process. Employers don’t have to pay employees who need to take extended leaves of absence to sit on the jury for a long trial. Jury selection methods are older than the old man in 12 Angry Men. And there’s no wifi in the waiting room. In all, the Star says Ontario loses about $41 million from all the work time spent waiting around to maybe be selected for a jury.
Ever wonder what Mayor Rob Ford does all day when he’s not coaching football? Looks like he’s meeting with constituents. Mayor Ford met about two “little guys” a day between July and October, totaling 209 residents in that time period. Because really, if it’s not the mayor’s job to fix sewage-flooded basements, then whose is it, right?
Breaking news: people like to get drunk at Christmas time. The LCBO posted record sales for December 23, beating their old pre-Christmas sales record of $48 million by $3 million. That’s a lot of cans of Tiger Beer.