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Newsstand: December 2, 2011
It's December 2. Are those sugarplums in your head dancing yet? Perhaps some news will get them grooving: the list of pools and arenas the City wants to close is revealed, Ford says he's doing God's amalgamation's work by laying off City employees, council says no to shooting ranges, and a supposed animal rights group threatens Chinese businesses.
One day, far in the future, our children will ask us why the city’s parks contain these strange empty concrete structures. And so will begin the telling of the long and tragic tale of a man named Ford and his war on city services. The latest chapter in this ongoing saga has the Star revealing the wading pools the City wants to close in the name of saving money in the 2012 budget, along with two outdoor pools to be closed and 10 arenas to be closed from Monday to Friday between 7 a.m. and 4 p.m. Remember this part of the story so you can tell it to your son or daughter quickly, before they bring up the vehicle registration tax again.
Speaking of Ford, he’s once again doing that awful thing that happens when he opens his mouth. No, not layoffs for City staff. Apparently Toronto just has too many municipal employees since amalgamation, and Ford is going to put a stop to that. If you disagree, get in touch with your mayor. Just be sure to leave a voicemail.
It’s Friday night, and you’re hanging out with some friends, trying to figure out something to do that isn’t bowling or a Wii Fit tournament. Finally, someone suggests going to one of those hilarious shooting ranges everyone keeps talking about. But then you remember there’s a bylaw against those, and your night is ruined. Well, city council came close to pushing that chilling hypothetical situation into the annals of local history yesterday, as an Ontario Municipal Board complaint led city staff to recommend council lift the shooting range ban. But council didn’t cooperate, and instead the OMB will handle the issue. Among those who supported lifting the ban is Rob Ford, and while that isn’t likely to push Ford almost-haters over the edge, it doesn’t cast him in the prettiest of lights either.
Toronto banned the sale of shark fin in October, but apparently that wasn’t enough for some racist crazies. A supposed animal rights group has sent a letter to the head of the Toronto Chinese Business Association—which is fighting the ban—claiming its operatives are in Chinatown spreading rat poison on meat, fish, and just so vegetarians don’t feel left out, fruit and vegetables. The letter also claims the group will be spreading “e coli virus” at the Mandarin restaurant chain, which means that, as well as mastering the art of the racial slur, these eco-terrorists have developed a way to turn a bacterium into a virus. And that’s just scary.