Declassified: Look Good, Feel Good

In this week's Declassified, we look at those who want the ones that they can't have.

By Rachel Lissner • Illustration by Matthew Dailey

Ah, well, as they say, you dim sum, you lose some. More importantly, what is the best pickup line you could have at a dim sum party?

Hey girl, it sounds like someone has been taking notes on Ryan Gosling memes. Looks like your pie is too high in the sky, my friend.

Considering that most people who write missed connections can’t really recall more detail about the person they missed other than the person’s gender and hair colour, it’s probably a really good idea to ask this forum where to get a haircut. Sure, no one in real life will tell you you look nice, but you that feeling of knowing you’re being observed and possibly anonymously and awkwardly pined for is worth the extra few bucks, right?

 

Possible reasons why someone’s resume would be rejected: n/a

 

It’s cool to be into what you’re into, but trying to imagine this scenario is well, kind of weird. I mean, chilling with some guy you met off the Internet who is breathing heavily on your arm in a dimly lit room somewhere in Pickering, and you’re just sitting there thinking, “I probably could have saved $30 on gas if I hadn’t even come in the first place,” and the whole thing is just kind of uncomfortable and curiously time-consuming, and thinking about it kind of gives me—oh, God.

A lot of people do a lot of weird stuff on the internet, and ground zero for commercial e-weirdness is Craigslist. In Declassified Torontoist combs over our city’s listings to find the best (and worst) of the bunch.

Find listings we should include in our next edition? Email them to [email protected].