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Weekend Newsstand: November 5, 2011
It's Saturday! Enjoy this last day before the clocks turn back tomorrow. In today's news: Toronto's traffic could turn apocalyptic by 2031, City staff is recommending a hike in tow truck costs, gay penguins at the Toronto Zoo, Rob Ford is "continuing" his commitment to respecting taxpayers, and someone's not happy about the shark fin ban.
Some bad news for commuters: you live in the 905. And now some more bad news: unless we improve transit and infrastructure, Toronto will experience an apocalyptic traffic jam within 20 years, which will bring the city to its knees and make the ravines flow red with blood. This, at least, according to the Toronto Board of Trade, which sees traffic problems as the city’s potential economic downfall. But given the way fuel costs have been rising, we doubt anyone will even be able to afford to drive to the store for milk by 2031, so the problem might just take care of itself.
It’s unlikely any Torontonian who has ever used a tow truck thought the experience was a bargain, but that’s not stopping City staff from recommending tow truck fees increase anywhere from 22 to 102 per cent, depending on the service. The recommendation comes after staff consulted with tow truck operators, a group generally considered a half-step above contractors on the general public’s hate-o-metre. And since tow truck fees go to private companies instead of the City, it’s difficult to see the public benefit. Maybe it’s just one of those things we don’t get because we don’t drive.
They say they’re roommates, but are they more than that? Or are they just really good friends that like to swim together and preen each other? These are the difficult questions facing staff at the Toronto Zoo, who may or may not have two gay penguins on their hands. Although there’s no way to definitively know the penguins’ sexual identity—because, you know, they’re penguins—zookeepers have tried several methods, including studying how they react to the music of Donna Summer. Sadly, the penguins will still be forced to mate with females to produce offspring, because the penguin community remains closed-minded and traditional in that respect.
Rob Ford is going a step further in reimbursing the City for expenses after word got out that he was expensing flashy business cards to his own family’s printing company. The big man is now also paying the City back for newspaper subscriptions and car travel. He also posted a note on the councillor expense website, which says, “I am continuing my commitment to respect tax dollars… by keeping the office expenses paid by taxpayers down to the essentials,” although perhaps that should be “resuming my commitment.”
Less than a week after council passed a Toronto-wide ban on shark fins, someone’s gone ahead and filed a complaint with the Ontario Human Rights Tribunal. Apparently banning shark fins unfairly targets the Chinese community, much in the same way banning the consumption of human meat unfairly targets bears and 12th century Mongolian warriors. There’s a good chance nothing will happen with the complaint, but Doug Holyday (Ward 3, Etobicoke Centre) is still hoping to get his “I told you so” moment.