Televisualist: So Unclassy We Think Tuxedos Are a Type of Fruit
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Televisualist: So Unclassy We Think Tuxedos Are a Type of Fruit

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.

Jerry Springer's bodyguard guy runs the physical education department.

Monday

Oprah’s Lifeclass is Oprah Winfrey’s new show about learning to be a better person via the most useful tool for the job: 25 years of Oprah Winfrey reruns. The first episode is about “the false power of ego.” Sometimes we wonder if Oprah Winfrey is just trying to make the job of writing this column easier for us by lobbing these great metaphorical slow-pitch softballs at us. Because…really, Oprah? (TLC, 8 p.m.)

Kim Kardashian gets married on Kim’s Fairytale Wedding: A Kardashian Event. This may or may not make your gag reflex trigger. It certainly made ours trigger. (E! Canada, 9 p.m.)


Tuesday

Last Man Standing is Tim Allen’s answer to the question “once all but one of the people whining about how men don’t get to be men anymore have been firmly kicked in the balls, what do you have left?” Unfortunately, Tim Allen answered this question incorrectly. His answer was “a terrible, terrible sitcom about a man trying to be a man man manly man.” The correct answer was “the anticipation of kicking Tim Allen in the balls.” (ABC, 8 p.m.)

Already cancelled, part one: Free Agents, the grownup romantic comedy starring Hank Azaria and Kathryn Hahn which deserved a lot better than the almost total non-reception it got, given that this was the rare romcom which bothered to remember that people do in fact sometimes have to deal with priorities other than their Twoo Wuvs (like, for example, their work, and their issues, and so forth). Plus it had Hank Azaria, and Hank Azaria is wonderful in all things. Give it a looksee before it disappears forever! (Comedy Network, 9 p.m.)

I Used To Be Fat is exactly what it sounds like, and we encourage fat-positive activists and healthy-living advocates to fight in the comments with one another about it, because really, we could use the entertainment. (MTV Canada, 10 p.m.)


Wednesday

History Television debuts the third season of Ice Pilots NWT, our homegrown reality series about the Northwest Territories airline that still flies World War 2-era airplanes, which almost sort of makes it halfway appropriate to air on the History Channel. We have to give you points for effort, History Television! But where is the Churchill? History Television, you used to be all about the Churchill. You’ve changed, man. (8 p.m.)


Thursday

Nanotechnology! None of us really knows what it is or can do, except scientists, but we know it’s really important for many reasons! Maybe you’d like to know what those reasons are in more specific ways than just thinking “yep, little robots?” That’s what the season premiere of The Nature of Things can do for you! (CBC, 8 p.m.)

Already cancelled, part two: How To Be A Gentleman, which we thought had promise to be a moderately okay mass-audience sitcom but which did not have enough audience carryover from The Big Bang Theory to survive past its third episode before getting the axe. Apparently people like laughing at nerds, but not preppies! (Yes, people who watch The Big Bang Theory are laughing at nerds. No, not with nerds. At nerds.) Anyway, this wasn’t nearly as bad as people said it was, so give Kevin Dillon some love because now apparently he’s the real-life Johnny Drama. (Global, 8:30 p.m.)

The Simpsons rerun of the week: “Treehouse of Horror I,” as the Comedy Network begins its daily airing of all of the “Treehouse of Horror” episodes on October 13th because there are just that many of them. “Quoth the raven—” “Eat my shorts!” (Comedy Network, 9 p.m.)


Friday

Do you need some class? Probably, otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this column, which is utterly classless. After all, we did just joke about kicking Tim Allen in the balls, which was terribly uncouth. In any event, The Guthrie Theatre Presents H.M.S. Pinafore is probably so classy that after you watch it, you will spontaneously generate a monocle out of thin air and wear it, as cultured individuals are known to do. (PBS, 9 p.m.)


The Weekend

The Walking Dead returns for its second season having already diverged from the comic book to an extent, with all the horrific post-apocalyptic zombie television you could hope for in an oversized season premiere. The first season of Walking Dead was a solid B+ series: not perfect, and some of the season didn’t quite live up to the superb premiere. But it was good teevee, and the second season will hopefully live up to that. (AMC, 9 p.m. Sunday)

The Quon Dynasty was previously known as The Family Restaurant, but apparently that fun reality series about a Chinese restauranteur family didn’t have a catchy enough name, so they changed it. In any case, this is still the same entertaining show: Quon was always good slice-of-life television because the family really is kookily entertaining in an unforced way, and we don’t expect that to change with the name. (City, 9:30 p.m. Sunday)

CORRECTION: October 11, 9:50 a.m. This post mistakenly referred to Ice Pilots NWT as airing on History Channel. It actually airs on History Television. We regret the error.

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