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Newsstand: October 21, 2011
Boom! Crash! Zap! It's an action- and onomatopoeia-packed Friday. Smash! Here's the news: Frances Nunziata wants cyclists licensed, rats party at Pusateri's, Rob Ford skips his own lunch (but don't worry, he probably got a hot dog), and the zoo might have a place for its elephants.
Holy spokes, cyclists! The Police Services Board has gone over the handlebars! After hearing a presentation on how police are dealing with bicycle infractions at a meeting yesterday, Councillor Frances Nunziata (Ward 11, York South-Weston) called for the city to look at licensing bicyclists. Police say it would help them enforce cycling laws and would also help with returning stolen bikes. No comment from cyclists so far, but we suspect it will be something along the lines of “Fuck you.”
Holy logic, government! After losing out on millions of dollars of potential revenue, the city’s audit committee has decided to improve the red-light camera program to better catch people breaking the law. Apparently it’s as simple as repainting some worn-out stop lines so the cameras can actually tell when a car goes into the intersection. There’s a public safety component to this as well, but who cares so long as the money starts rolling in?
Holy rats and roaches, rich folks! City health inspectors have shut down the the Pusateri’s snob shop high-end grocery store at Avenue Road and Lawrence Avenue West after finding a pest infestation as well as some incredibly expensive non-perishable items. The good news for the two Torontoist readers that shop there is that the store will most likely be back open this weekend, with a fantastic sale on locally made chocolate-covered cockroaches.
Holy gridiron, starving artists! Mayor Rob Ford celebrated his first Mayor’s Arts Awards lunch yesterday by doing one of his favourite things: skipping it to go watch some football. To be fair, it was the last regular season game of the high-school football team he coaches, and he shouldn’t have to put his coaching duties aside just because he moonlights as the head of Canada’s largest city and cultural capital. And, as anyone who’s been to a celebration with arts sector folks knows, once the free food comes out it really doesn’t matter who’s there anyway.
Holy big empty spaces, zoo goers! Toronto Zoo officials may have found a new home for the three elephants they’re getting rid of, although they won’t say where it is. The reason being that negotiations are still ongoing and they don’t want to freak anyone out just yet. But don’t worry, they’ve seen the “Bart Gets an Elephant” episode of The Simpsons enough times to recognize a poacher when they see one. In related news, the zoo will be increasing its prices next season to help meet that 10 per cent budget reduction we keep hearing so much about. And speaking of which…
Holy hypocrisy, city services! While the zoo and others struggle to meet that 10 per cent reduction, the Police Services Board has now officially approved its budget, despite it being $6 million higher than the current budget. Could this affect how other city services react to the mayor’s required budget reduction? You bet your ass, says Councillor Janet Davis (Ward 31, Beaches-East York). It could also end up screwing over services that played ball with Ford. It feels like there’s a moral in there somewhere we should probably keep from our children. So, yeah. Pow!