Parties, parties, parties. It always seems like you've got too many parties! Here's our guide to weaselling your way into high society during TIFF.
Going to every single festival party this year is like attempting to see all three-hundred-and-something films. Slow-moving Turkish crime dramas aren’t for everyone—neither is vodka on the rocks. But strategically inserting yourself into the TIFF party roster has never been easier. Simply choose the type of partygoer you are (or would like to be) and start playing the part. Action!
Where: Producer’s Ball at the Shangri-LA (200 University Ave), September 6
Star Kin: Steven Spielberg, Michael Bay, Harvey Weinstein.
The Party: Unfortunately (for you), this blow-out’s invite-only, so unless you’re on the list, you’re going to have to stalk around outside waiting to catch a glimpse of some Hollywood money.
Calling Card: A nice tux. Polished shoes that have only ever walked on red. Nobody
actually knows what you look like. You always pick up the cheque.
After Party: Going over earnings in your penthouse suite at the Four Seasons (21 Avenue Road) wearing Stubbs & Wootton velvet “screw you” slippers.
Where: HELLO! Canada 5th Anniversary Red Carpet and Gala at The Ritz Carlton (181 Wellington Street West), September 10.
Star Kin: Chiara Mastroianni, Asia Argento, Nicole Richie, Toronto’s own Ainsley Kerr.
The Party: Mugging on the HELLO! Canada red carpet, trying to get your photo in the next issue of HELLO! Canada, because your grandmother still reads HELLO! Canada and you want her to know you’ve made it, even if you didn’t go to med school. Then, drinks.
Calling Card: Famous last name. Photograph really well. BFF is a fashion designer. When asked about latest activities, one of two answers is philanthropy.
After Party: The Thompson rooftop. Depending on how many drinks, may or may
not end up in the swimming pool with Brian Mulroney.
Where: TORO After Dark at Ame (19 Mercer Street), September 10
Star Kin: Sarah Polley, Ryan Gosling, Atom Egoyan, David Cronenberg.
The Party: Last year’s TORO After Dark parties brought out the likes of Javier Bardem and Josh Brolin, so expect to rub shoulders with some more scowling tough guys. Also, raising money for Paul Haggis’ choice charity, Artists for Peace and Justice.
Calling Card: Already in Toronto before the festival starts. Have a postal code and not a zip code. Spotted at Hero Burger on a Tuesday afternoon in December. You still beLEAF. You know both the mayor’s and the mayor’s brother’s name.
After Party: Your name is on the guest list for Vampire Weekend at The Hoxton (69 Bathurst Street). Instead, we can find you having drinks with Zio Angelo at Hotel Ocho’s cozy bar and stopping for some piping-hot phở on your way home.
Where: InStyle party, September 12
Star Kin: Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Nicole Kidman, Hugh Jackman
The Party: InStyle red carpet appearance; quick escape out through the kitchen and
proceed to Soho House members-only headquarters (location TBA).
Calling Card: Spotted in Yorkville dressed down, “Stars are Just Like Us” photo op.
Unshaven. You never pick up the cheque.
After Party: A nightcap in Glenn Close’s hotel room.
Where: Anywhere…and nowhere.
Star Kin: Nicolas Cage, Madonna, Viggo Mortensen, Robert De Niro.
The Party: None. Unless sitting in your hotel suite watching DVDs of your own films counts.
Calling Card: Accent. Method acting pedigree. Play piano, really well. People are unsure if you even attended the festival. You may or may not be Banksy.
After Party: A pint at the Cadillac Lounge (1296 Queen Street West) in Parkdale. The live band’s bassist gives you a knowing nod in between songs.
TIFF runs September 8-18, but the parties are starting now. As you probably know, word of mouth is the best way to find out more.
Justine Iaboni blogs about fashion, clothes, and other stuff at WhateverEurotrash.
We originally included incorrect information about the TORO After Dark Party. We have updated the post to reflect the correct location of the event.