news
Newsstand: August 5, 2011
What the Friday?! In today’s news: the big reveal on whom the mayor has been meeting, Jarvis Street finally cuts motorists some slack, a plane goes off the runway at Pearson, and no city-sponsored headaches for young Torontonians.
The Toronto Star has obtained a list of whom Mayor Rob Ford has been meeting with lately, and boy is it ever not really that surprising, for the most part. The mayor tends to accompany his loyal councillors on ward visits while leaving his critics alone, although that might be a good thing for all parties. He also hasn’t listed any meetings with groups representing minorities, the poor, or the environment, which should come as a surprise to those who have never heard him speak. Ford also recently met with the president of McDonald’s Canada, but you know what? After reading Shameless‘s plea against Ford fatphobia, we’ll take the high road on this one. Almost.
The Jarvis Street bike lanes may be on their way out in favour pure car-terial bliss, but that hasn’t stopped the City from installing a traffic light at the Gerrard intersection to give drivers exiting Jarvis an advance green, a small courtesy in exchange for the insane congestion caused by the bike lanes. Ah, what’s another $14,000, anyway?
Air Canada has had to reschedule a flight after one of its planes drove off the runway at Pearson and got stuck in the grass during takeoff last night. The airplane couldn’t move because the grass couldn’t support its weight.
Pesky young ruffians and no-goodniks can breathe a sigh of relief as Toronto so far remains free of a device that emits an offensive, high-pitched noise audible only to young people (that is, apart from the Star going around the city using it to annoy people). Whippersnappers in surrounding municipalities aren’t so lucky, however. The devices are being installed in public spaces across the GTA and Canada to discourage vandalism, loitering, and general troublemaking among youngsters, because clearly classical music isn’t doing the trick anymore. While some complain the devices are discriminatory, public officials in the cities of Barrie, Guelph, and Kitchener are just happy to see young people out of public parks and back into alleys and crack houses, where they belong.
And now it’s time for today’s Slow News Week Deathmatch: In the right corner, with the red trunks, it’s the Toronto Sun with “Toronto beaches have clean water.” In the left corner, with the blue trunks, it’s the Toronto Star with “People are breaking into gym lockers.” The Star strikes hard with some personal tragedy, while the Sun ducks, weaves, and lands decent body blows with its story’s beat-the-heat factor. This one will have to go to the judges.
And finally, we couldn’t not mention this: the CNE will be graced with a new way for visitors to puke their guts up this year, in the form of a doughnut cheeseburger. If you’re wondering what that tingling feeling is, it’s your arteries running scared.
This post originally referred to the airplane going off the runway at the island airport, instead of at Pearson. We regret the error.