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Newsstand: August 18, 2011
Thursday, are you serious? Are you really going to do this right now? Fine! In the news: Rob Ford definitely asked the province for money, new glass for the faulty towers, political haberdashery at the new aquarium groundbreaking, face transplants, and new border agents.
Mayor Rob Ford is running his mouth about trains again. Only this time it’s not “Choo Choo, everyone off the gravy train!” It’s “Choo Choo, all aboard the going to the province cap in hand to fund a train no one else thinks is a good idea train.” Yes, just as past us predicted, present us is delighting in punning on the mayor’s concession that the Sheppard subway line that he (and he alone?) super duper wants may need some public funding after all. So off Ford went to Dalton McGuinty’s office yesterday to ask for some money and pose for creepily compelling pictures.
The developer at the eye of the shardy showers storm is going to replace all the balcony glass on three of its downtown condo towers. Lanterra is going to use laminated glass, a sturdier version similar to that used in car windshields, instead of the tempered kind that’s been crackling down from their buildings. The laminated glass, you see, because it’s so strong and different, does not shatter into little pieces like the pieces you can see all over the streets on the six o’clock news. No, it shatters but stays in one big solid piece. Which is supposed to be a good thing.
Wonder what kind of glass will hold in all those sharks and sea dragons at Toronto’s newest tourist attraction, a 5.7 million–litre aquarium. All three levels of government were on hand to break ground on the giant fish tank. Those present donned festive shark-finned construction hats (expect for one hat, that was rendered finless, ironically, due to the shark fin soup discussion). With all these new attractions in the area, including EdgeWalk, the Post has officially dissuaded our faint hearts by dreaming up a nightmare scenario that begins dangling from the CN Tower and ends in a shark tank. If this is not already an LL Cool J movie, someone should call him.
Also someone should call Nic Cage, because Toronto doctors are settling up for their very first face transplant, and we hear he’s sort of an expert in the field. Doctors at Sick Kids and the University Health Network are waiting for approval from hospital administration, and hope to perform the first surgery next year.
And the federal government is getting even tougher with fake refugee claimants by hiring 95 armed border agents. There’s a backlog of failed refugee claimants just sitting and waiting to be sent back. And since there’s nowhere quite like Toronto to sit and wait to be deported, about half of the agents will be working here.