Newsstand: August 30, 2011

Tuesday comes along, just as it always has, just as it always will. In the news: Doug Ford has big plans for the port lands and they include a monorail (monorail! monorail!), duelling essay competitions could win you a meal with Margaret Atwood or Doug Ford (or some other people), and Catholic schools are up to their old tricks again.

By Sarah-Joyce Battersby • Illustration by Kyra Kendall

On Friday we told you about the Ford administration’s plan to take over a chunk of waterfront development from the tripartite agency that’s been doing that job for ten years. Now we’re getting an idea of the mayor’s brother’s plans for the port lands, and we must say this may be Doug Ford’s (Ward 2, Etobicoke North) best idea yet. Ford wants cherry trees on Cherry Street, a megamall, a giant ferris wheel, and a monorail. Because a monorail put Brockway, Ogdenville, and North Haverbrook on the map! Why not us, right? Reaction to the sudden announcement has been mixed, with provincial players and some councillors saying it’s not such a good idea, while federal finance minister Jim Flaherty says his government’s role in the whole thing is “winding down,” so whatever.

Kind of like in the 2004 romantic comedy Win a Date with Tad Hamilton, the ever-so-crafty library union has launched a “Why My Library Matters to Me” essay contest inviting Torontonians to defend libraries and win a meal with his or her choice of 11 notable Canadian authors, including, dun dun dun, Margaret Atwood. In a plot twist, the Toronto Taxpayers Coalition has launched a contest of their own, offering a meal with Doug Ford or the Toronto Sun’s own Sue-Ann Levy to whoever writes the best essay, which must begin, “Lower taxes are good for Toronto because…” This should be fun to watch. Unlike the 2004 romantic comedy Win a Date with Tad Hamilton.

With the looming return to school for Catholics and non-Catholics alike, we’re going to focus on the Catholic kids for a bit. Toronto District Catholic School Board trustees will consider amending their anti-bullying policy on Wednesday to maybe say the Pope has more authority than Dalton McGuinty. This is bound to heat up the debate over gay-straight alliances again. In a separate but sort of the same story, Catholic elementary students will be required to wear uniforms this school year. The TDCSB’s board chair says the goal is to reduce bullying by giving mean kids one less thing to make fun of other kids for. And if they want to be creative or express their individuality, they can do it in writing. And people wonder why Ireland produces a disproportional number of great writers.

And the evil kite debate rages on after a man was cut by a string slung across the road.