Newsstand: May 16, 2011
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Newsstand: May 16, 2011

Illustration by Sasha Plotnikova/Torontoist.

We take our coffee black, our toast buttered, and our Newsstand over-easy: there’s room for an elephant (or three) in Quebec, Tory Toronto back in style, a GTA teenager is smart with science, rowing isn’t just for rich kids anymore, and we hope you like rain ’cause it’s raining.

Last week, the Toronto Zoo board voted to close down the zoo’s elephant program and to send Toronto’s three pachyderms packing. (Pachyderm is just fancy-talk for elephants, and by ‘sent packing’ we really just mean that they’re looking for a facility better-suited to accommodate the ‘phants. Sometimes we say things to create drama. Drama and alliteration.) Offers to take the elephants have started rolling in, and according to the National Post, one comes from someplace close to home: the Granby Zoo in Quebec, about an hour east of Montreal. Granby may not offer a warmer climate than Toronto, but they do have fairly recently reno-ed elephant facility, complete with a 7,000-square-metre play pen, a 10-foot-deep pool, and an indoor area with heated floors. (Do you think they need a writer-in-residence? We could use a sick pad like that.) If this goes through, the unilingual Toka, Thika, and Iringa will have two years to learn French. The language police don’t accept ‘being an elephant’ as any kind of excuse.
With eight new Conservative MPs now representing Toronto in the House of Commons, the National Post reports a throwback to the 1930s and 1940s when the city was a Conservative (then Progressive Conservative) bastion, earning the nickname Tory Toronto. Tory MPs are insinuating themselves into the one-time Liberal stronghold by making appearances at, for example, book launches, mingling among the “students, literary agents and mussy-haired academics.” Amazing.
A 16-year-old from Richmond Hill has won a science competition after discovering a new combination of drugs that may treat cystic fibrosis. Marshall Zhang, you smarty pants!
The Toronto District School Board is testing the waters of a fledgling rowing program for high schoolers, the Globe and Mail reports. About 50 students from a dozen of the city’s secondary schools are training together at the Bayside rowing club, loosening the long-held association between the sport and the city’s elite private schools. Now less fortunate teenagers, like their wealthy counterparts, can make jokes about the word “coxswain.”
Speaking of sports and their relative popularity, the venerable Toronto Rock (that’s the city’s lacrosse team dontchya know) won the National Lacrosse League Championship. Toronto: we’re open to winning.
The rain don’t stop. It’s raining, and it’s pretty much just going to keep doing that until Thursday.