Televisualist: In A Galaxy Not So Far Away
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Televisualist: In A Galaxy Not So Far Away

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.

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Basically, we saw an opportunity to do a Star Wars reference, and we took it. Thank you, Robot Chicken! Illustration by Brett Lamb/Torontoist.

Monday

NBC airs All Together Now: A Celebration of Service, an hour-long special where every single living former president of the United States appears to tell Americans about the importance of volunteerism! Indeed, say these four former presidents, nothing is quite so important as working for free! Spending public money on social welfare is so gauche, you understand. Far better that everybody volunteer unskilled labour, for that alone will solve our communities. Also, George W. Bush will get an award of some kind for his leadership in public service, because he only makes a few million dollars a year as an ex-president who gets to be on boards of directors and stuff. (8 p.m.)
TSN airs The Fab Five, the documentary about the legendary 1991 University of Michigan men’s basketball team, which caused a mini-brouhaha down in the States because during the documentary a young Jalen Rose refers to the black members of Duke’s basketball team as “Uncle Toms.” Grant Hill, who played for Duke, responded to the documentary by writing an editorial for the New York Times, which seems kind of pointless because present-day Jalen Rose has said publicly that nineteen-year-old Jalen Rose was kind of a jackass. In any case, the documentary is excellent. (8 p.m.)

Tuesday

Body of Proof hopes you will be all happy because it stars Dana Delany and Jeri Ryan, along with Sonja “Kima from The Wire” Sohn and John Carroll Lynch from The Drew Carey Show (among many others), and it hopes you like that cast so very much indeed, because if you like the cast enough maybe you’ll overlook the bit where it’s yet another show about police and forensics. “It’s like Bones, but with less Asperger’s!” Woooooo! (City, 10 p.m.)
Tonight on The Agenda With Steve Paikin: an interview with Dwight Duncan, Ontario’s finance minister, about the 2011 Ontario budget. You should probably watch this. You want to be a good citizen, don’t you? (TVO, 8 p.m.)

Wednesday

Man On The Moon probably should have gotten more attention than it did—Jim Carrey’s inhabitance of Andy Kaufman was just that perfect. But it was only a moderate hit, and therefore we got The Majestic, and that’s probably your fault somehow. Unless you weren’t alive when it came out. Which is increasingly possible OH GOD I’M OLD. (AMC, 8 p.m.)
Well, if I’m old, I might as well recommend Throw Momma From the Train, because it is just great in every possible respect, and Billy Crystal and Danny DeVito have never been better in anything. “You lied to me!” PWONG! The fact that it is old enough to have been released by Orion Pictures is meaningless! MEANINGLESS! (CHCH, 8 p.m.)

Thursday

A pair of British-monarchy-related Doc Zone episodes this week. First there’s “Marketing the Monarchy,” about, well, it’s pretty self-explanatory. Marketing the monarchy. Following that, there’s the far more potentially interesting “Chasing the Royals,” which follows paparazzi photographers whose entire job is snapping pics of royalty. Doc Zone is almost never not interesting, so these should be good. (CBC, 8 and 9 p.m. respectively)

Friday

Chaos is a dramedy about spies and actually looks to be entertaining, mostly because it has Tim Blake Nelson as a “human weapon” and directly attempts to be a one-show antidote to all those super-sci-fi spy shows of years past by deglamorizing the spy business as much as humanly possible. Worth your time. (Global, 8 p.m.)
The Simpsons rerun of the week: “Principal Charming,” a relatively early (second season) episode which now views very differently, since the storyline features Principal Skinner falling for Patty, who has since been revealed to be gay. “Gentlemen, according to my sources, you are planning to simultaneously drop your pencils at 2:15 this afternoon. Do so, and you will be suspended.” (Comedy Network, 9 p.m.)

The Weekend

So, it turns out college basketball can still be surprising, as Saturday’s NCAA Men’s Final Four games feature precisely zero number one or number two seeds for the first time in thirty-three years. The East-West game is the less interesting one as the University of Kentucky (seeded fourth in their division) takes on the University of Connecticut (seeded fourth), while the Southeast-Southwest game features Butler (seeded eighth) versus what-the-hell-is-going-on-here Virginia Commonwealth (seeded eleventh). If you care about sports at all, you can’t miss that second game. Go Virginia Commonwealth! (CBS: VC/Butler 6 p.m. Saturday, Kentucky/Connecticut 8:30 p.m. Saturday)
It’s the 46th Annual Country Music Association Awards! Really, we have no decent country music jokes any more. If you like country music, presumably you will care about this. Unless you are alt-country, in which case you maybe don’t like many of the nominees. Are there such things as cowboy hipsters? “Oh, that is so Brooks and over-Dunn.” Eh, not our finest moment. (CBS, 8 p.m. Sunday)
Teletoon re-airs the Robot Chicken Star Wars Special #3 as a treat for fans waiting for the upcoming fifth-season premiere (which long since aired in the USA, but we’ve been over this ground before). If you like seeing Seth Green and his friend make dick jokes with action figures—and really, who doesn’t?—then you can catch this! (10 p.m. Sunday)

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