Where you going, dude? Pizza’s not here, man! Photo by Christopher Drost/Torontoist.
So unless you live under a rock—or are in Pizza Gigi’s target demographic and don’t wake up until 5 p.m.—you’ve probably heard the news that the venerable slab shack at Harbord and Lippincott streets was raided late Sunday, and Toronto Police located all kinds of illegal goodies. There was crack, coke, cash, oxys, and something like one-million-dollars’ worth of pot.
Even though this effectively sinks the business, and shuts down one of the few pizza places in the area that isn’t repeatedly caught for being infested with rats, people all over town (or at least the internet part of town) found it hilarious. A lot of the jokes being bandied about have to do with the fact that pot looks a bit like oregano and oregano goes on pizza. Also, sometimes people get mushrooms on pizza and some mushrooms are also recreationally enjoyed as psychoactive drugs. Also, stoned people eat pizza. Jeepers. It’s like Club 54 over here.
But seriously folks, for your amusement, and because we like making fun of stuff and didn’t post a full report on the Pizza Gigi bust, we culled some of our favourite reactions.
Let’s start with the oregano jokes. Classics. These are the kinds of jokes you make if the only thing you know about pot (or, as you call it, “grass”) is that it vaguely resembles oregano. This is probably the result of you having bought some oregano in grade nine, thinking it was pot, and ending up the butt of some cooler guy’s joke.
A few local (Jim) Belushis also made cracks (get it? “cracks”? crack? eh?) about the menu, or ordering drugs as pizza toppings. The humour here emerges from the notion that you would be able to order illicit narcotics as casually as you would, say, a pizzeria-style pizza pie.
And also gems like this…
Well, that would have been a dead giveaway, no?
Crack on pizza? Come on, guys.
Last, we have the headliners: the top-drawer Richard Jeni types who go beyond the more cliched setups that this whole news story accommodates. These guys are really good with grey-matter, abstract thinking. They’re not just connecting the dots, they’re thinking for themselves and really getting to the bottom of the pressing issue of, hey, just what is the deal with Pizza Gigi selling drugs, anyways?
See? Stoned people get hungry. Hungry people eat pizza! The scam was actually genius until they got caught.
And say what you will about Pizza Gigi, but at least they don’t slap their delivery guys’ stomachs with instructional stickers so they don’t get lost on the way to your house like Domino’s does. Talk about humiliating. Sure, they may have been moving a little contraband. But at least they have their dignity. Right?
In any event, we’re certain there’s going to be no end to these as events unfold. So keep the puns and oregano humour coming, internet! It’s basically the live-tweeted comic equivalent of this: