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Televisualist: Football (In the Non-Soccer Sense of “Football”)
Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.
Our illustrator is, needless to say, not a fan of the gridiron. Illustration by Brett Lamb/Torontoist.
Monday
Chuck has really gone downhill this season; the writing has gotten so bad that we’re now at the point where even the considerable charm of Zachary Levi, Yvonne Strahovski, and Adam Baldwin cannot rescue many an episode. (There are still highlights every once in a while, because the assembled talent is too good not to be entertaining on occasion, but…) In any case, tonight was actually intended to be the fourth-season finale, but then NBC decided they wanted the fourth season to have twenty-four episodes rather than thirteen, so (as usual) Chuck‘s writing staff has to deal with a network that can’t make up its mind as to how long the story they’re telling should be. Which tells you a lot about Chuck, really. (NBC, 8 p.m.)CHCH airs Hard to Kill, early Steven Seagal from when Steven Seagal was—well, Steven Seagal was never actually good, to be honest. After all, his career highlight as an actor was his early death in Executive Decision (although not everyone agrees with that). But Hard to Kill is certainly some of the most tolerable early Seagal, one supposes. (9 p.m.)
The Simpsons rerun of the week: “The Two Mrs. Nahasapeemapetilons,” wherein Apu’s arranged marriage eventually happens. “Is it me, or do your plans always involve some horrible web of lies?” (CFMT, 6 p.m.)
Tuesday
“You’ve set your gaze upon the quintessential frontier type. Note the lean silhouette… eyes closed by the sun, though sharp as a hawk. He’s got the look of both predator and prey.” “Are you gonna do something? Or just stand there and bleed?” “Evidently Mr. Ringo’s an educated man. Now I really hate him.” “Remember what I said about people seein’ a bright light before they die? It ain’t true. I can’t see a damn thing.” “I’m your huckleberry.” “You tell ’em I’m coming, and hell’s coming with me, you hear? Hell’s coming with me!” Tombstone. Hell yes. (AMC, 8 p.m.)Wednesday
Minute to Win It has an all-kids episode, as they finally give up the pretense that the show is designed for anyone over the age of six. (NBC, 8 p.m.)Thursday
Doc Zone this week features “The End of Men,” which is a bit of a misnomer, since this is not a science-fictiony doc about a future where lesbians egg-fuse new babies into a Y-chromosome-less world, but instead about how men in a traditional provider role are dealing with joblessness and the recession. Still worth a watch, even with a lack of laser lesbians. (CBC, 9 p.m.)Community this week has an entire episode about Dungeons & Dragons, in the hopes that nerds will watch it rather than the rapidly-going-downhill-into-predictability Big Bang Theory. Unfortunately, it will probably not work. (City, 8 p.m.)
Friday
People remember Denzel Washington’s performance in Training Day more than anything else about the film, which is a shame because it’s probably the single best performance Ethan Hawke has ever given (and, all things considered, Ethan Hawke is a decent actor). After all, Training Day is a two-person film that just happens to have other people in it (much like The King’s Speech is this year), and Ethan Hawke’s performance is basically there to stabilize and balance Denzel’s (much like Geoffrey Rush stabilizes and balances Colin Firth’s—or, for that matter, how Chris O’Donnell balanced Al Pacino in Scent of a Woman the year Pacino won). Worth rewatching on the basis of appreciating Hawke’s performance alone. (AMC, 8 p.m.)Baba Wawa’s new special, Barbara Walters: A Matter of Life and Death, features the TV journalist speaking about her open-heart surgery with other famous open-heart surgery patients like Bill Clinton, Robin Williams, and David Letterman. Because Barbara Walters really wants to talk to you, the viewer, about her open-heart surgery. No, seriously, if anybody can think of another reason for this “special,” let us know. We can’t come up with anything else. (ABC, 10 p.m.)
The Weekend
It’s the Super Bowl! Which explains why this past week has been so uneventful, TV-wise: nobody puts anything on in the week before the Super Bowl, because football fanatics will not remember it after the Super Bowl. (Next week is, essentially, the beginning of the spring TV season.) This year’s Super Bowl features the Pittsburgh Steelers, whom everybody expected to have a good chance of making the Super Bowl, and the Green Bay Packers, who were a bit of a surprise as their regular season record was only 10-6, but who are now very slightly the favorites to win. Sportswriters think this year’s Super Bowl could be a classic, but then sportswriters almost always say that this year’s Super Bowl could be a classic and it almost never happens. All we know for sure is this: living in Canada means we won’t get the good commercials, and will have to watch them on the Internet the day after. (CTV, 6 p.m. Sunday)Along with the Super Bowl comes the annual “special episode of a TV show airing after the Super Bowl.” Getting the Super Bowl treatment this year is Glee, with a special appearance by Katie Couric for some reason, and a performance of “Thriller,” because if there’s one daring thing Glee could do to get itself out of its creative rut, it’s staging a routine to one of the most popular and well-known songs of all time. (Global, 10:30 p.m. Sunday)