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Televisualist: At Night, The Demons Come
Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.
True story: this cartoon was actually drawn for a William Shatner project and is now being repurposed to comment upon William Shatner. Illustration by Brett Lamb/Torontoist.
Monday
If you missed last night’s debut episode of Sarah Palin’s Alaska, titled “Mamma Grizzly”—well, it’s probably because we didn’t tell you about it, because Televisualist does not want Sarah Palin’s Alaska to become the next “I watch it because it’s ironic” show like Jersey Shore. The worst thing that happens when you do that with Jersey Shore is that Snooki gets a book deal; when you do it with Sarah Palin, maybe she runs for President. But if you simply must watch a train wreck, it reruns tonight. (TLC, 10 p.m.)An Evening with Willie Nelson and Wynton Marsalis Playing the Blues is really pretty self-explanatory: it’s a taped special from last year wherein Willie Nelson and Wynton Marsalis play the blues. This is either something you like, or something you don’t. If you don’t like it, maybe you should consider the possibility that you have no soul. Or blues. (Bravo, 9 p.m.)
Fans of really old movies may wish to consider Sunrise, the 1920s F.W. Murnau classic. This silent film is a staple of film studies classes due to the large, expressionistic sets it used to create a fairy tale–like atmosphere, and because of the relative lack of title cards; really, it barely has a plot. An interesting fragment of years past, if nothing else. (Turner Classic, 9 p.m.)
Tuesday
The Simpsons rerun of the week: “In The Name of the Grandfather,” wherein Homer and Grandpa buy an Irish pub in Ireland. A fairly recent “Simpsons travel to X” episode, but a relatively clever one. “Ireland is the leader in communication technologies in all of Europe.” “Take that, Belgium!” “Bart, if you hate Belgium so much, I’ll take away your Tintins.” “No! I’ll be good!” (CFMT, 6 p.m.)Wednesday
25 Years of Sexy: People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive!—no. There is not enough money in the world to make me review this. Fun fact: out of 25 Sexiest Men Alive, only one, Denzel Washington, has been non-white. (ABC, 10 p.m.)Finding Hulk Hogan is a one-hour documentary about Hulk Hogan which more or less glosses over the following facts about Hulk Hogan: A. Hogan squandered millions of dollars; B. Hogan is not widely liked in the wrestling business thanks to his tremendous ego and a reputation for selfishness; C. Hogan cheated on his wife with a high school student; and D. Hogan is currently engaged to a woman who looks eerily like his daughter Brooke, which is just creepy. (A&E, 10 p.m.)
Thursday
$#.+! My Dad Says is unequivocally the biggest new hit of the television season, which is just depressing. This is a terrible show, a sitcom so tritely written that it amazes one to hear the chestnuts pop out of Shatner’s mouth. There is quite simply nothing good about this show at all. It makes Two and a Half Men look like Arrested Development. (CTV, 8:30 p.m.)A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving is probably the last of the three truly classic Peanuts TV specials (A Charlie Brown Christmas and It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown being the other two), and it deserves its yearly airing as once again Charlie Brown futilely tries to live up to his friends’ expectations with no hope of success, thus embodying the beatific value of fortitude once more. Charlie Brown is deeper than you think it is. (ABC, 8 p.m.)
Friday
The Michael Mann remake of Miami Vice was quite disappointing: people had high hopes that Mann would take the trademark from the Eighties and reinvent something he had originally invented (as he helped create the show), but instead he more or less ignored all of the elements of the original series and just stuck the name onto a fairly generic crime movie. It’s not bad, because a Michael Mann crime movie isn’t going to be bad. But it’s not by any means great. It’s just kind of there. (MuchMusic, 9:30 p.m.)The smiling demons of What Not To Wear have returned with new episodes. Cry, children, for the night approaches, and with it comes a two-headed armageddon named Stacy and Clinton. (TLC, 9 p.m.)
The Weekend
The 2010 American Music Awards are on this weekend, because music awards are what make the music industry go ’round! That, and cocaine. Anyway, this time around there are performances from Justin Bieber, Ke$ha, and a special group performance from the Backstreet Boys and the New Kids On The Block performing together in advance of their combination tour. How can you miss out on that, eh? (A-Channel, 8 p.m. Sunday)Last Day of the Dinosaurs is a brand new special about how the dinosaurs died out when Earth got hit by a comet or something like that. We say “brand new,” but really, this special gets remade every three years or so with new, fancier computer graphics. We bet all the science documentary people are just waiting for the wide adoption of 3DTV so they can start making all the same science specials over again. It’s Big Science’s plan, people! Wake up! (Discovery Channel, 8 p.m. Sunday)
This article originally gave the incorrect time for Sarah Palin’s Alaska. Its debut episode re-airs at 10 p.m., not at 9 p.m., on Monday night. Thanks to reader David Elliott for catching the change.