Sound Tracks: "Had Enough" by Danko Jones
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Sound Tracks: “Had Enough” by Danko Jones

Believe it or not, music videos still exist. Sound Tracks trolls the internet to find the best and the worst of local artists’ new singles and the good, bad, or otherwise noteworthy visuals that accompany them.

Danko Jones is sort of a big deal these days. How big? So big he can afford not just one star-studded, cruddy-action-flick-aping music video with a nonsensical storyline, but three of them! This clip for “Had Enough” is the second installment in a trilogy of videos for the Mango Kid’s latest disc, Below The Belt, and serves as a prequel to “Full of Regret.” It’s already been making waves; SPIN calls it “a noir-ish crime story that’s like a Charles Bukowski novel come to life,” which proves they don’t really read books!
In the Diamond Brothers–directed video, the cocksure sleaze-rock trio are recruited by Frank Drank (who plays Ivan the Great in those Viking-themed Capital One ads) to thwart the plans of a mad scientist portrayed by The Karate Kid himself, Ralph Macchio! But there’s a twist: Macchio’s found a way to clone himself, simultaneously making life harder for Danko and wetting the knickers of former ’80s teenyboppers everywhere. Peculiarly, Macchio’s doppelgangers go down without putting up much of a fight at all; Mr. Miyagi would shake his head in disgust. Macchio retaliates by unleashing even more Karate Kids on the band à la the army of Agent Smiths in The Matrix Reloaded, except instead of an epic, gravity-defying showdown, we get some shots of the NYC skyline and Danko fleeing to LaGuardia Airport.
But that’s all well and good; anti-climactic as the video is, the tune, with its Megadeth-lite guitar hook and sticky ooo-woah-oh-oh verses, still slams sufficiently. And at the end, Ivan the Great gets off the phone with yet another Ivan the Great (huh?) to relay Danko’s failure to mob boss Lemmy Kilmister, which ultimately leads them to send Elijah Wood and Selma Blair after the band in “Full of Regret.” Best use of reverse chronology since Memento? Well, probably not. But kudos to the boys for trying to give their songs more meaning than what they really all boil down to: boinking chicks and dumping them. Did we mention that comedian Don Jamieson makes a cameo here too? Sorry, it’s kinda hard not to overlook all these peripheral celebs for the trilogy’s two biggest stars: Lemmy’s moles.