Declassified: Love and Pickled Onions

By Steve Kupferman

A lot of people do a lot of weird stuff on the internet, and ground zero for commercial e-weirdness is Craigslist. In Declassified, Torontoist combs over our city’s listings to find the best (and worst) of the bunch.

Illustration by Roxanne Ignatius/Torontoist.

In this edition of Declassified: an assortment of simmering lust and exciting business opportunities. Plus, a gravy train.

“I met your mother at a subway station. The first thing I noticed about her was the smell of her colon.”

The media didn’t pay this much attention during the mayoral race, but the gravy train is an integral part of the City’s Sauces and Flavouring Services division. Rob Ford’s transition team is expected to announce a shift to municipal use of generic-brand ketchup as a primary condiment. [via Mondoville]

Somebody sand this guy a bake.

You do realize that this isn’t much of a value-add, right? That anyone could do this given the right materials, assuming they were in need of a multi-tiered diaper arrangement, and that even with additional free advertising on Torontoist it’s unlikely that orders are going to flood in, and that it’s therefore equally unlikely you’ll be able to walk out of your job on your lunch break—like you’ve always secretly hoped you’d one day be able to do—to embark on a life of diaper cakery with no boss but your own self? Oh yes, you realize these things. This is why you’ve chosen Craigslist.

Will this “relationship” be between an aluminum bat in your boyfriend’s hand and the back of the head of the person who agrees to pay his way out of jail? A little more specificity might have been helpful.