Newsstand: May 29, 2010

By Patrick Metzger

lllustration by Clayton Hanmer/Torontoist.

George Smitherman, who may or may not be the leading contender for next Mayor of Toronto, jumped onto the subway platform yesterday with an extensive, expensive “Integrated Transportation Plan” for the city. Key features would include:

• By 2015: place top priority on PanAm Games–related transit by completing the Spadina subway line up to York University and extending the Sheppard LRT to U of T Scarborough.
• By 2020: link Sheppard subway to Downsview station, convert the Scarborough RT into a subway, and extend the Bloor subway line west to Sherway Gardens.
• Put a hold on new bike lanes while improving existing lanes, and creating bike “expressways” through city parks, ravines, and hydro corridors (which will be kept accessible year-round) .
• Allow seniors to ride the TTC for free on weekdays between 10 a.m. and 2 p.m.

We’ll also get smart cards, guaranteed “helpful and polite” TTC staff, wider sidewalks, more efficient and less inconvenient road repair work, and beefed up enforcement of traffic laws.

Good stuff, you say, but can we afford it? Of course not. Smitherman’s transportation wet dream would cost about $7 billion more than the current unaffordable transit expansion program, and will be notionally funded by public-private partnerships selling debt that will be paid off by the city you over time (presumably centuries). Assuming you could find someone who wants to invest $7 billion in a city that flirts with fiscal catastrophe annually, Smitherman then proposed to retire that debt via a “Transit Trust Fund” comprised of gas tax revenues, Toronto Hydro dividends, and sundry monies that we already spend on other stuff. Next up: robot butlers and swimming pools filled with Cristal for all Torontonians!
Speaking of things we can’t afford, the federal official responsible for keeping the G8 and G20 summits safe says the security tab could actually go over the anticipated $1 billion if there is a “major security event.” That said, if you’re anywhere near said security event, chances are the last thing you’re going to be worried about is whether your tax dollars are being spent wisely.
In other summit news, a man has been arrested and others are being sought after several banks downtown were spray-painted with anti-G20 slogans. In response to the vandalism, G20 leaders announced they would be stepping down and turning over the reins of government to a group of vegan anarchist collectives.
The OSPCA will shortly name the person to head the commission investigating the recent ringworm outbreak at the York Region OSPCA. The incident caused public consternation after some hundred dogs and cats were euthanized. If you’ve trained your whole life to head a public investigation on ringworm, stay by the phone and keep your fingers crossed because there aren’t likely to be too many more of these opportunities coming down the pipe.
Health experts are dismayed that only some 28% of Torontonians were vaccinated against the H1N1 virus last year, far below the fifty percent estimated to have been inoculated across the country as a whole. Officials partially attribute the low number to confusing communications during the initial outbreak over how much vaccine was available and who would be permitted to get it. Also, this is Toronto, baby—we don’t wait in a line unless there’s a TIFF ticket or an Apple product at the end of it.
That’s all, now go eat your cereal and watch Scooby Doo.